Carols of the Season

I hope your Thanksgiving was great, and filled with warm memories, and that you want for nothing and no one.

I never know how to feel around this time of year, so I usually just sing Christmas carols very loudly in my head (or out of my head) to compensate for the discomfort.  I'm pretty sure that's the whole principle behind why Christmas carols exist.

It's hard for me to make out where I stand and what I should/should not be doing/saying to my varying degrees of family.  It's very complicated.  I'm sure your situation is the same - I am not unique.  Perhaps this is the whole reason people started caroling in groups, and even going door-to-door, for that matter.  Uncertainty must love company.  Everyone just decided to throw back some libations and go singing up and down the streets one day, in acknowledgement of no one knowing how else to feel.

Oh, and because Christmas carols are jolly and fun.  Even I can admit that.

I went up to NYC (Queens) to be with my great-aunt.  A lot of family members were there.  The food was amazing.  It was just how I imagined it would be.

My great-aunt's house, with the date stamp May 6 1906

Side note - without fail, every single time I get to around exit 10 on the NJ turnpike, me, or someone else in the vehicle, will say, "oh god, what's that smell?!"   The answer is always, "New Jersey."

Being the introvert I am, I am glad to now be at home and around no people, as my entire energy bucket was spent on socializing over the past couple of days.  I will need a while to recover.  Please leave a message.

I'm really starting to embrace my Netflix subscription.

I wonder what this season will hold.  I really can't tell.

Meanwhile, I suppose I'll just stare at all of the decorations around the city, and in stores, and buildings, and my neighbor's house (just wait till you see.  I'll take a good photo for you.) And I'll hope to feel something other than the need to burst out into Christmas carols.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la, la.

Ice, Hiking, Swift

Exhibit A.

Ice

They are making an ice skating rink (click here to see) right outside of my building. It’s weird.

IM conversation with a colleague:

2:58 PM Colleague

Hello. I did crunches for the first time in weeks on Friday.  Now it hurts when I breathe.

2:58 PM Veronica

good.  :: grumpy cat ::

The Temp said that they are making the ice skating rink outside as a tribute to my ice cold heart. 

3:00 PM Colleague

He’s right on target with that.

3:00 PM Veronica

I know he is.

Hiking

Because of some stuff, I have recently not been able to be as active as I usually am.  But, now I am better, and am able to get back to regular activities, however, I have fallen out of the swing of things.  

So, when I had to run 7 blocks the other day (in heels) to get back to the office in time, by the time I got to the building, I was exhausted.  This is very unlike me.  So I decided that I needed to walk over the weekend, and Karen said she and her dog could join me.  

We went to Patapsco park, and got all 10,000 steps in for our Fitbits in a very short time.  I’m going to be honest with you – it was a hard hike.  There was actual climbing with my hands.  My legs were very sore the next day.  But it was a nice walk, and if you want to go on a hike with me, you’ve got my number. 

Don't fall...

Hell stairs.  They were half the size of me, they came up to my hip.

 Then, just as we were leaving the park and going to our car, a stray dog was walking down the street, so Karen flipped her freaking flip, and then we spent like another hour chasing this dog and lassoing and waiting for its owner to show up.  The dog was an older dog, and was very disoriented, and didn’t even register our existence for a while; it was just walking and walking, and then it went down into the river, and the whole chasing experience was basically horrible.  

But Karen chased her around, and finally lassoed the dog with a spare leash, and then we decided to just sit down right there on the trail to give the dog a change to chill out.  She didn’t let us near her head because she was too worked up and shaking and freezing, but after about 20 minutes, we were able to read the tag from a distance.  

On a related note, please make sure that your pet’s name tag is very clearly legible, not just engraved silver. Make sure it is something like white on green, or white on black, or black on pink, or something.  

We were sitting there for a very long time because it was so hard to make out the phone number.  But finally we did, and I called the owner, who was all, “oh, that silly dog,” and "oh, when she usually runs away," and acting like it was no big deal.  He also warned us to just stay put, as she is a chow mix, and might get a little aggressive, so we did the right thing by just sitting down for a long time and not pressuring her.  I have other things to say about the owner, but I shan’t.

Meanwhile, while we were sitting there on the frozen ground with our legs and butts totally numb, and Chance (Karen’s dog) totally behaving, the poor dog was howling.  She was howling when I was on the phone with her owner, and the owner said, “Is that her howling in the background?  I have never heard her make any noise.”  Again, I am going to avoid commentary.  So, after a while, we realized that we would not be able to silence her, so, if you can’t beat them, join them! 

Click to watch the video:

We were all singing, except Chance The Dog, who did not find this activity fun nor amusing.

The Taylor Swift

In other news, are you going to the Taylor Swift concert?  BECAUSE I AM!!!!   

Do you ever have moments when you are doing something, and in that moment, you have a small self-assessment moment – “What am I doing?  Is this my life??”  Even Taylor has moments like this.  Like when she was on Good Morning America (which I watch e’ery day, btw) and she said, “I’m performing in Times Square… What is my life right now???”   (Around 6:30 of this clip from GMA.) 

Well anyway, Kate and I were having one of those “What is my life right now??” moments whilst we were on the phone with each other purchasing Taylor Swift concert tickets.  There was squealing and other assorted noises as we clicked “Confirm Purchase.”  We  love her.  She’s like our invisible friend – she’s been on all of our road trips together, right there in the car singing along with us, and on all of our adventures, she’s been there.  

 Did you know that all the proceeds made from her single “Welcome to New York” from her new album “1989” are going to NYC public schools?  (NYC made her an official Ambassador.)  She is good.  

I can’t wait to meet her and instantly become BFF.   It’s only a matter of time now.

Oh hey, Melissa - I found your husband in Tinder.

 You're welcome.

Warm hands, Full House, Fabulous

Heart of Steel

Over the weekend, there was an indoor archery shoot at Mayberry, up in Westminster.  It was a pretty cold morning, and the furnace at their range was broken.  I am usually a very warm person.  I rarely get cold; I’m kind of a walking furnace.  

So people at the shoot were using me USING ME! for warmth, putting their cold hands (and noses) all over me to warm up.  They were saying, “Wow, it’s incredible!  You’re so warm!”  

Sue then said, “Well, you know what they say… [[ pregnant pause]] ‘Warm hands, cold heart’.“  

One lady thought for a second, and then started saying, “No, I don’t think that is right, I think it’s… the opposite.. right?”  And Sue and I both laughed and said, “No no, that’s the case.  It’s accurate.” 

Heart of Steel, NBD.

Full House

I’ve been doing a whole lot of nothing lately.  I’ve been having some medical issues, (which I will talk about later, if you insist) so I have not even been wearing my Fitbit most days!  

Therefore, I’ve been doing a lot of going home after work and staying home.  Of course, then I do other things, like paint my bathroom, but still, I’ve been doing a lot of staying home.  This has led me to watching a lot of Full House reruns, and other 90s sitcoms.  

I already boast a razor-sharp, professional-grade knowledge of Seinfeld, Friends, King of Queens, The Golden Girls, and Everyone Loves Raymond, but I am a little behind with ABC’s TGIF 90s lineup.  The good news is that Jen has the razor-sharp knowledge of those shows (Full House, Boy Meets World, Family Matters, etc.).   So, whilst I am doing whatever I am doing (painting, baking) and I hear inconsistencies in Full house, I know that I can send a question to Jen, and she’ll fire back an explanation.  It’s actually pretty funny.

Weeks later...

I think I’ll plan out getting out of the house more around February, so until then, come on over.  Smidgen, Cow and I will be watching Full House.  There’s a spot on the sofa for you.   Bring Chinese food. 

Not wealthy, still FAAABULOUUSSSSS

It occurs to me that people must think that I am so wealthy.  This could not be further than the truth.  I am just ridiculously blessed.  

This past Washington State trip, for example  - guess how much that cost me.  Go ahead, guess.  For a 7 day vacation across the country.

I’ll just tell you:

$359.66 – Hotel & Car

$8 – Parking

$24.19 – Gas

And then the cost of food & a sweatshirt, plus some food to take home for gifts – let’s call it $120. 

PLUS, don’t forget my extraordinary cost saving measures of having a flu and keeping us in one place for a whole day.  Again, YOU’RE WELCOME, KATE.  The things I do for us.

Also, when you can't afford something, timewise or cashwise, do what I do - Go up to someone and just start photographing them enjoying it.  They won't mind.

Piroshky Piroshky.  A wonderous place with an hour-long line.

The line wraps around.  Nope.  Ain't nobody got time fo' dat.

"Hello!  What did you get?  Can I smell it?"

"You gonna eat that? Okay, go slow. I'm capturing the moment."

"Oh, that's good... yeah... take a bite... what's it like??"

It's not weird at all.  It's a way to make friends.  YOU'RE WELCOME.  P.S. Do be sure that you are well dressed, as this does not work if you look like a homeless bum.

Airfare was in points and by point donation, and everything else was just dirt cheap and Pricelined, and then we just did stuff that doesn’t cost money.  Hiking through the forest doesn’t cost money.

And, just befriend and be nice to those around you, and you never know what will happen.  Look at this drink.

This drink contains:

• Bailey’s
• Kaluah
• Grey Goose
• Amaretto
• Dr. Pepper

And it was courtesy of the SO FLAMBOYANT flight attendant on my way out to Washington.  And he just kept refilling my little cup (and only me.)  

It’s been observed that there is just something about me that draws the gay guys to me.  I love it.  They must just recognize or sense that I love them and am a fierce ally.

This flight attendant was so wonderful.  You know how Southwest is famous for their flight attendant flight safety speeches?  His was really good.  It went something like:

“In the unlikely event that the captain decides to make Southwest Airlines into Southwest Cruise lines, please put the inflatable life vest over your head and pull… but for those of you who ABSOLUTELY must do things the difficult way, you can inflate the vest by blowing on the red rube.  The red tube, incidentally, is the same color red as the speedo I will be wearing later tonight in the hot tub in the hotel in San Diego, if you want to come and see me.  Once your vest is inflated, just kick-paddle-kick-paddle to the shore.  You’ll recognize us, we’ll be the ones who are well dressed, with the liquor safe, handing out those world famous fresh peanuts.  If you don’t like the jokes on this flight, there are 8 exits…  In the event of a loss of pressure, you’ll see these LOVELY, designed-by-Coach-Versace-and-Martha-Stewart saffron yellow masks come down… if you are traveling with children, WHY???   Put the mask over the one with the most potential, as they will be the one contributing to your retirement fund.  Remember that things shift in the overhead bins, and it is SO MUCH PAPERWORK for me when things fall on your head, so please be careful.  There is a $2,200 fee for smoking in the laboratory, and we know you don’t have that kind of money, otherwise you wouldn’t be flying Southwest.  Just as a REMINDER, if you marry one of us, you’ll fly for free, however, I must warn you that one of us is very high maintenance compared to the other three.”

Well anyway, it was amusing.

FYI, this is in the future. 

Officer Veronica, Pandora AGAIN, Tinder Part Two, Steak

I have "cop" written all over me

When we were in Washington, and whenever I travel, and when in public, and in general, my inner cop comes out, and I end up doing things like checking under beds, in closets, and behind shower curtains before allowing anyone to getting comfortable.  Kate always says, "I don't like that."  This is one of many very quirky things about me, and I apologize. 

Pandora

I changed my Pandora settings, because, quite frankly, I couldn’t take it anymore.  Literally every single commercial was about “Are you worried about fertility?  Is your career and other life circumstances delaying starting a family?  Look into egg freezing!  Prime candidates are those in their early to mid-thirties, when fertility is at its highest.  Now is the time to register for the 2014 egg freezing convention in Washington D.C..”  So now I changed it to birth year 1960, and it is advertising greek yogurt and office depot.  Enough is enough.  Whatever will be will be.  I don’t need Pandora pressuring me to start a family.

Tinder, Part Two

I went to dinner with Daniela the other night, and we had a couple of glasses of vodka, and then I handed over my cell phone so she could play with Tinder.  She thought it was the most fun game.  She was on there for a good 20 minutes, yelling at the phone.  “EW NO.  That is a purebred.  HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF RESCUING FROM THE SHELTER??  EW.  GOODBYE.”  And then she forbade anyone with a purebred, and all gingers (I had to correct the second part for her,) and a host of other rules, and she might have talked to someone.  I’m scared to open the ap.  I don't know what she's done.

Here are a few good ones I’ve been collecting as I go:

 FIRST AND FOREMOST: 

Yup, that's right.  Sterling Archer is on Tinder near me.

It's the best profile on the entire Tinder, and I want to date whoever is behind it immediately.

Next up:

A lot of people put stacks of money as their photo.  Or their Audis. Or whatever.

Anyway, basically 95% of Tinder is a big Nope.

I run across of ...let's just go ahead and be polite ... clearly metrosexual gentlemen.  

I mean, what are you doing?

And.. wait... this is.. this has to be a woman...

Okay and.... Ready??  This:

Okay so.... 

Steak

The Temp here at work is VERY JUDGE-Y of people (I'm hoping he'll read this.  He also loves when I refer to him as The Temp.) 

Temp: "Veronica, if someone took you out to a lunch interview, and ordered at $20 steak, what would your reaction be?  What would you think of that person?”

Veronica (not missing a beat):  “I would order one too.  No wait, I would order a $26 dollar steak.”

Right?  What would you do/think?

Also, this morning, The Temp started choking on something, and I tried to not show that I was laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing.  Then I turned around, and he was just staring at me, whilst choking.  LOL.  Even now, I can't stop laughing.  He said I am the absolute worst.  He's right.  

2:31 PM  Veronica

Did you need me?  I can never tell when you are trying to get my attention

2:32 PM Temp

Good

then I have succeeded

Apparently choking to death isn't one of the ways to get it

2:32 PM Veronica

def not

it is a way to cheer me up, tho.

He's the best. 

Update:  As the temp read this, he yelled, "I AM VERY JUDGE-Y OF PEOPLE?!??!?!!!!!  ARE YOU SERIOUS???"  And I chuckled and said that was exactly how I planned that moment to go.  Then he said I was the worst, and I said I know.  Then he read the rest of it and said again, "You are the very worst."  And I said I know.  Then he said, "Everything about this moment went exactly how you thought it would, didn't it?  I reacted exactly as you thought I would?  You must be very proud of yourself."  Yes I am.

Okay, that's all for now.