I thought this was very clever.
Wishing Away Time
As you probably know by now, small talk rubs me the wrong way. I'm sorry, but yes, I am one of those people who can only take about 3.5 seconds of small talk.
This is enough for "Hello, how's it going? Good..." Past that, I do not want to small talk, unless you really want to go get a beer or take me out to dinner or go on a long walk and talk about it.
The WORST are people (strangers) who actually start with "Oh, well, I'm here," or, "I've been better." Okay, either we are going to get coffee and actually talk about this, or please just don't even open the can of worms. I can't stand humoring people.
Small talk also includes when I am sitting at my desk (newsflash: I do not have time to talk to anyone at work) and someone comes up and asks or talks about the weather. DUDE. I KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW; WE BOTH SIT HERE. WE HAVE THE SAME INFORMATION. It drives me crazy, however I have to suppress those maniacal feelings and be a normal person. It's awful.
But these things are just part of life.
What I really do not understand, and I try to divert, is when people say things like, "Well, pretty good for a Monday." Or, "Well, it's Wednesday! Week's halfway over!" I know that it seems simple and fun and normal for people to live for the weekend, but to me, I just hear people wishing time away.
This goes for lots of things, including when people count down to spring or summer, and can't wait for winter to be over. Embrace all the seasons, people!
What's wrong with Tuesday? Nothing. I love Mondays. January has its perks, too. Every day above dirt is a good day. If you catch yourself saying stuff like this, think of other ways to make small talk. Better yet - find ways to find the miracles in your days.
There is someone who swings by my desk almost every day and says, "Happy Monday!" or whatever day it is - and to me, that is more of a celebration of the day, and much better than "UGH it's a Monday!"
Again, this is one of those silly things that you probably think I'm just being picky and ridiculous and wasting your life about, but I guess I am someone who over-charishes each day. It's part of the red-white-and-blue that runs through me that remembers that people have died, still die, and are otherwise fighting for my right to wake up, take a shower, drive to work, run around my job like a crazy person, laugh all day, giggle unapologetically, eat fresh food which is abudant, drink all of the clean water I can possibly handle, breathe fresh air, drive home, and go to sleep (or whatever) feeling safe every single day of my American life. Or not - I could just lay in bed all day, or watch Netflix all day, or go run around the forest all day, or whatever I want, because the price has been paid and continues to be paid by The Brave.
It's our human duty to enjoy the days we are gifted. If you are saying to yourself, "life is not a gift when __insert hardship__" then either you and I are going to go head to head, or never talk about it.
Annnny wayyyy...
Interviews
My colleague/friend and I have been interviewing some folks for an admin position to support my team and me. I don't know if you have ever had the chance to read David Thorne's blog about interviewing, but it is HILARIOUS. I love him. Click here to go check out his hilarious blog about interviewing. It's really been inspirational.
Sara and I have to prep days ahead of the interviews to make sure that we get all of our awful questions out of our systems so that we can appear to be professional on our first impression.
So we brainstorm awful things like, "What is your religion or political affiliation?" "How
many children do you have, and are they all legitimate?"
"What is your ancestery?" "What's your favorite color?" "What are you going to be for Halloween?" (This shows... planning.. forcasting... anticipating future needs... right?)
Veronica
"How old are you? How
much do you weigh? Do you like Yanni/Celine/Bryan Adams?
Do you
like Fleetwood Mac (Ew)?
Do you like fishing?
At what age did you
get married? Was it cuz you were pregnant?"
we are tvw
Sara
are your arms the same length?
are both of your eyes motivated?
what drugs have you done/are currently doing?
when asked at a restaurant
whether you want tap or seltzer what do you say?
why would you not hire yourself?
Veronica
What are the things that keep you up at night?
What regrets
do you have?
How is your relationship with your parents?
How is your relationship with your parents?
Do you
have siblings? Are they legitimate?
What are your biggest pet
peeves?
Are you as excited as I am for shoulder pads to come back in
style?
What do you hate about yourself?
Do you plan on calling out
of work a lot? Are your kids going to make you call out a lot?
Where do you live? Are
you going to be "working from home" a lot because you live in the
boonies?
Veronica
We'll be taking her to lunch for her interview
Sara
I am going to order ALLL OF THE FOOD
Veronica
AND we will answer the water question
Sara
water question?
Veronica
tap vs seltzer
Sara
oh yes!
Did you like my eye question?
Veronica
Yeah, I was thinking, "Ummm I don't know what that means, but you had
better answer it correctly.
I would totally back you on that question.
Sara
lazy eye = not motivated eye
Veronica
Wow. Wow, Sara.
Sara
It is a joke I heard somewhere once and it still makes me laugh
Veronica
"Are you a total girl when it comes to bugs?"
Sara
well I would need someone who can kill any potential bugs
[in case I am not at work to take care of it for Sara.]
We've actually had so many funny questions, but I forget to make note of them at the time. But at least we get it out of our system long enough for the interview. However, come their first day of work, all bets are off. Please reference the temp's account of his first day here, in this post. (Click here)
But yeah, probably you should feel some compassion for people who actually volunteer to sit across from us and subject themselves to our interrogations.
Sara
Veronica
Want to apply?
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