I am allergic to bears, alligators, and crocodiles.

I love to camp.  Like, real camping.  If your idea of camping includes pancake recipes and coffee perculators, that's a deal breaker for us sharing a camping experience together.

I do not mess around with bears.  I will not let myself be a victim.  There are posters around Baltimore that say "Don't let yourself be a victim of crime." And that is exactly how I feel about bears and bear crimes.  

My friend Ashley was going camping one weekend, and asked me for some advice as to what to bring, since she knows I like to go camping.  

Ashley and I are different creatures.  She needs lists of lists of things to bring, what's going to happen, itineraries, etc.  I like having a general idea of what we are doing, and winging it.

She said that she found a good list of basic necessities for camping, and wanted to make sure it is similar to something I would bring.

This is the list Ashley sent to me for review.  (Click that link.)


This is the list I sent in reply.

I am not going to die via bear jaw due to Stroganoff Sauce.

Martha's Vineyardians

 You learn something about humanity when you drive through places like Nantucket and Montauk.

I just overheard this girl say on the phone, “I mean, it’s not suit and tie, necessarily, but you will see a lot of Nantucket red, sundresses and big hats.”

  

Whatever the hell that event is, I do not want to go.  I just Googled “Nantucket red.”  It’s actually a thing, and you immediately know what she is talking about.  Such a pretentious color.  Totally a “I spend my summers in the Hamptons” look.  People whose parents paid for college and everything always, who say, "I'm not rich, my parents are rich."   With boat shoes.  And aviators. 

Check out this picture of the Pope that was in the Wall Street Journal.  I want to hang out with this Pope.  He looks like he is ordering shots.  This is the Pope.  This is the Pope on drugs.

I wonder how the Pope feels about Nantucket Red.

Curlz

From: Miglin, Veronica
Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 1:41 PM
To: Katelyn Sullivan
Subject: FW: Whilst you departed from your designated work station

I fear that my colleagues do not have a fantastic sense of humor.

I can’t work with that.

This lady Tonia asked me to cover her desk for like a half hour.  I can’t do anything, since I don’t have a laptop, so I just sit there, bored.  She has all this scribbled-down notes everywhere with Jesus things, it’s a mess.  Like “rejoice in the lord always”  yadda … just scribbled on post its all around.  She had a business card that said “Hello.  This is God.  I have everything taken care of today, so just relax.” Or something.  So then, this:

From: Green, Tonia
Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 1:22 PM
To: Green, Tonia
Cc: Miglin, Veronica
Subject: Whilst you departed from your designated work station

Karen Long called regarding a meeting with Smith/Dash, asked that you call her back when you return to your desk.  

I feel the need to organize and clean around your desk.  I also wish I had my laminating machine so that I could re-write some of this stuff on fancy paper and then laminate it so that it is all pretty and in one  place.

I see your yellow business card here from God.  I imagine it was pretty hard to get an in-person on God’s calendar, to receive a business card.  I was unaware that God had business cards.  I would have imagined that they would be more masculine, not with flowers and a flower/polka dot tea mug, all whilst using the “curlz” font.  I see God as more of a “Tempas Sans”, “Papyrus” , or, in very intimate moments, “Edwardian Script.”  But, basically never “Curlz.”  Even when God is speaking in a jovial manner, and trying to have a light-hearted moment, I think that, at His most casual, he would use “Comic Sans” and basically nothing that would ever be less formal than that.  Also, I picture God’s tea mug would be more like huge, Big Gulp, 24 oz., mug… one of those ones where you can custom design it, so that he could have tiny pictures of all of His children on it, so that he could brag about them when he is in important business meetings.

Oh, Sharon is back, so she said I could go back to my desk now.

Fondly,

Veronica

From: Green, Tonia
Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 1:32 PM
To: Miglin, Veronica
Subject: RE: Whilst you departed from your designated work station

What an awesome note – thanks again!

Thanks,

Tonia Green

From: Katelyn Sullivan
Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 1:47 PM
To: Miglin, Veronica;
Subject: RE: Whilst you departed from your designated work station

I just died laughing at my desk!!!!

Kate Sullivan

___________________________________________________________________________

From: Miglin, Veronica
Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 2:03 PM
To: Katelyn Sullivan; Melissa
Subject: RE: Whilst you departed from your designated work station

Thank you, Kate.  That is a normal reaction.  I think that if Eli and I got together, we would have a fantastic blog.

Melissa – Eli is that Mormon blogger whom the female Mormon freaked about when she discovered that I know of him.  Also, you is kind, you is smart, you is important.

From: Katelyn Sullivan
Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 2:04 PM
To: Miglin, Veronica
Subject: RE: Whilst you departed from your designated work station

God does NOT use “curlz” font.

Kate Sullivan

From: Miglin, Veronica
Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 2:07 PM
To: Katelyn Sullivan
Subject: RE: Whilst you departed from your designated work station

Never in  His Holy Life.

From: Katelyn Sullivan
Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 2:08 PM
To: Miglin, Veronica
Subject: RE: Whilst you departed from your designated work station

He probably doesn’t even have a standard font he uses. It’s probably something like elfish from LOTR.

Kate Sullivan

From: Miglin, Veronica
Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 2:10 PM
To: Katelyn Sullivan
Subject: RE: Whilst you departed from your designated work station

Whatever would look good on gold plates (please refer to book of Mormon.)  Gotta flow pretty easy.

From: Katelyn Sullivan
Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 2:12 PM
To: Miglin, Veronica
Subject: RE: Whilst you departed from your designated work station

Then definitely that … or something like this…

Kate Sullivan

From: Miglin, Veronica
Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 2:22 PM
To: Katelyn Sullivan
Subject: RE: Whilst you departed from your designated work station

No way, that is way too fancy, God would roll his eyes at that and do Glamour’s (from the Hunger Games)  “puhleeeeeez.”

I’m pretty sure God would keep it simple, like this.  “Hey! I’m God.  Here is a business card.  Did you grab a donut?  I put some donuts and coffee in the waiting room.  Don’t worry about it – these donuts are a free-bee, I won’t let them affect your caloric intake for the day.  Free-bee day!! All the donuts!! My favorites are those ones with rainbow sprinkles.  OH and the ones with the fluffy white filling – O.M.M. (oh my me) those are sooooo gooooood.  And who gets mad at an apple fritter?  No one.  Everyone likes apple fritters.  Anyway, yeah, totes mah goats grab a donut and some coffee, and we can chat.  I’ve got time.  Hey, have you been keeping up with this whole Russia/Olympics/Black Widow situation?  Ughhh what a mess….. you humans just MAKE A MESS!  Ughhhhh.  Sorry, this is my busy season, I get a little thin tempered at times like this.  Don’t worry about it – you’re good.  I’m good, you’re good.  Hey, did you see my coffee mug?  Look!  See there’s you…  and there’s Kate… and there’s Melissa…. And there’s Smidgen… and… wait… I think Cow is… hmmm.. well…. Oh well… oh wait there she is.  So what’s up?”

From: Katelyn Sullivan 

Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 2:25 PM
To: Miglin, Veronica
Subject: RE: Whilst you departed from your designated work station

No. I don’t think He would use that.

Or maybe He would use different fonts depending on who He is giving His business card to.

Kate Sullivan

From: Miglin, Veronica
Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 2:25 PM
To: Katelyn Sullivan
Subject: RE: Whilst you departed from your designated work station

Oh.  You’re totally right.

I thought we had an agreement with Pigeons?

Pigeons are so arrogant.

And in exchange for dealing with this arrogance, I thought we had an agreement where we tolerate their arrogance in exchange for them yielding.

I kicked my second pigeon in 3 months today.

I'm not sorry.  They think I'm going to walk around.  I'm not walking around.  Nope.  Brace yourself for impact, Pigeon.

Things I abhor because they are also arrogant:

• Lilies (native Maryland lilies).  They just grow wherever, they don't care.  They will hop the cute little brick fence you made and grow wherever.  
• Geese.  I can't stress this enough.  They have no manners whatsoever.  Who do they think they are?

Nature can be quite tenacious. 

I got new arrows yesterday.

I got new arrows last night.  Larry made them for me.

Veronica: “Larry, so could these arrows penetrate right through a human?”

Larry:  “Yes.”

V:  “Like, from what distance?”

L:  “Oh, 20 yards.”

V: “Well, yes, I know that [20 yards is nothing] but like, how actual far could they be that I penetrate a human with my arrow?”

L: “Eh, I dunno. 40 yards? 60? But you don’t have broadheads [type of arrow tip used for hunting] so it’s not like you would kill them.”

V: “No, I know, I don’t necessarily want to kill people, I just want to really piss them off.  Just shoot a hole right through them.”

L: “Yeah, you could do that with these arrows.”

I love it when people just get me.

This is my newsletter.

Hello.

I am logging things of my life, because people keep telling me that I should.

I'm just going to log for a while, without telling anyone.