What Is Up, Getting Stuck, And The Foundation For Life: H2O

One way I can tell if I am going to get along with someone is if they appreciate little things, and I don't just mean stopping to admire a beautiful sunset, or appreciating a stranger holding a door for you.  Yes, those things are great, too, but when someone (rudely) interrupts someone else mid-sentence to say something like, "Tranche?  Did you just use the word 'tranche'?  Is that even a real word?"  I know that we are going to get along.

This is one of the things I particularly love about my close friends.  Now, from time to time, Sue and I will occasionally get "stuck" on words or names of towns or places.  

By "stuck," I mean, like a record skipping... we'll just repeat the word once every five seconds for fifteen minutes or so at a time. Plate. Shibuya. Hancock. Wawa. Frizzzzllleeeeeeee Frizzzllllllleburrrrg Frrizzzzzzz.  Friizzzzzllllll.

And before you go feeling bad for Larry, who has to endure Sue and I repeating variations of those words for extended lengths of time (due to being the driver on road trips, thus making Sue and I worse behaved than most five year old children,) just know that Larry is secretly one of us.

We're all minding our business (and behaving, for once) one day at archery, when Larry quite out of no where brings to our attention that the word "up" is probably one of the most complicated words in the English language.  

So, we've been stuck.... er... hung "up" on this for a while.  Watch - now you'll start notice the varying uses of the word, too.

what's up

stand up

sit up

throw up

mess up

free up

up chuck

laid up

paid up

stayed up

made up

screwed up

bolt up

write up

spit up

fill up

kick up

eat up

drink up

wake up

look up

pick up

light up

shoot up

stink up

push up

back up

trip up

hook up

liquored up

perk up

cut up

tear up

up to the line

up to par

up to snub

feeling up to it

hush up

make up

shook up

put up

bandage up

lock up

give up

buy up

tear up (crying)

open up

wash up

scrub up

wrap up

stuck up

work up

listen up

butter up

suck up

grow up

lift up

blow up

heat up

pony up

scoot up

lighten up

stick up

shut up

tee up

hurry up

cozy up

pent up

saddle up

clam up

mosey on up

huddle up

shape up

toss up

sign up

button up

hicc...up

Thought it was never gonna stop, didn't you? 

Neither did I, one night Sue got on a kick of it.

Don't worry, we'll think of more.  You can post some, too.

But the fun doesn't stop there.

There was this epiphany I had last week at work: 

Veronica 10:24 AM:

what is "cipated"

if something is cipated what does that mean

because anticipated

anti

cipated

so if you anti-cipate something, you are guessing.... or planning

so if you are just cipating, then I guess you are... not planning... 

or giving no further thought to....

So, like, I am cipating my plans for NYE.

Okay good chat.

Elaine Crossfit 10:29 AM:

I don't think cipating is a word though

Veronica 10:29 AM:

exactly.

#bothered

Crossfit 10:29 AM:

#englishisdumb

~ ~ time passes ~ ~

Crossfit 10:45 AM:

ugh now you have my trying to guess what cipating could mean

And many of you who are my friends on Facebook are familiar with my hashtag ‪#‎ThingsAnalystsSay‬, and will remember this recent post: 

Today at lunch: This question was presented: How are decades counted?

I said they end at 9. So Analyst 1 says, “ok so the 00 year starts a new decade.” I said yes. Analyst 2 fervently disagreed. 

He says that in the very first year, people didn't walk around saying it was year zero, they said it was year 1. I said, “False. If you have a baby, you say the baby is 8 months old. You don't say he is one if he is not one.” Analyst 2 disagreed. Analyst 2 is wrong, but he would never let me be correct, so…

But then Analyst 1 and I both said that people in year 0 did not know that it was year 0, so it’s a moo point. #ThingsAnalystsSay

You might think that it's silly and over because it is a moo point, 

but alas... it is, in some way, going to stick with you now.

Scotty 12:47 PM:

I don't think either matters because the people in that time didn't think that way, it was only after the fact.

Veronica 12:47 PM:

agreed

Scotty 12:47 PM:

and its like 2015 years ago so who cares..

or was it 2016 years ago?

ahhhh

Veronica 12:47 PM:

And here we go.

so it will be officially 2016 years ago on NYE.

or is it NYD?

NYD.

Something else I am always thinking about (and I mean at least twice a day) is water.

Yes, water.

Water fascinates me, and I don't mean to sound like a pirate.  Yes of course I could stare off into the sea, watching the horizon for hours upon end, like any normal person (or pirate,) but even at a very basic level, just the very science of water fascinates me.

Do you know what the most powerful element in the world is?  Water.  

No beast nor creation can actually outdo the power of H's and O's.  These two little boxes from the periodic table when put together are EVERYTHING.  

The strongest steel will, eventually, cave to the power of H's and O's.  Rock formations were formed and/or can be destroyed by the ocean blue.  Humans, and all life forms, cannot live more than three days without replenishment of water.  Why?  Because it is what we are (mostly) made out of.  It is what this entire planet is mostly made out of.  Earth is earth because of what the water decides to do.  Wind is wind because of what the oceans decide to do.  Fire is no longer fire in the presence of water.  Humans live by it, humans die by it.  Too much water, we are destroyed.  Too little water, we wither and are destroyed.  Water is to me in and of itself an argument for the existence of God.

And this valuable resource... this precious commodity... this thing we need to exist - it surrounds us in America, in our daily lives.  We probably don't even think about it.  Do you?  I think about it so much.  In modern day America (or any first world country), we have grown so accustomed to having SO much water available to us everywhere, that (as long as things are functioning properly) we don't even give a worry to it.  

I was making cookies a couple of nights ago, and I must have turned on the faucet 50 times to rinse things or my hands. Crystal clear, completely clean and safe water, being used... wasted even... on the silliness of rinsing, or flushing toilets, or extra-long showers.  Meanwhile, there are places in the world where people can't find one glass of potable water in a day... or a week. 

My friend who moved to a (kind of remote) area of Brazil about three or four years ago has never received such an aggressive wake-up call than when she first had to go without water as you and I know it.  She just came home for the holidays, and she described to me at length how she recycles water.  This discussion, of course, fascinated me.

The water that she, her husband, and baby don't consume is used as bath water for the baby.  Then, they'll use the bathwater in the washing machine to wash clothes.  She collects that water, and then uses it to scrub the floors (which has to be done at least once a day in Brazil because it's very dirty where she lives.)  She's very creative with how she recycles water, and let's just say that by the time water makes it to the garden or grass, it's been used quite a few times.  

A different friend of mine is from Kenya, and the water situation is very interesting there.  In fact, it can be considered a business.  Water = capitalism.  The government will give you some each day, but you can also purchase more from those who have well pumps.  And everyone needs more than the government gives them.

Can you even imagine?  I can only imagine it in theory (since I obviously think about it a lot,) but I don't know that I could imagine it in practice.  We wouldn't last a week here.  Think of how this area shuts down when there are electricity power outages, or when water can't function as normal in our plumbing.  We literally shut down - businesses and homes can't function.  This thought terrifies me, as I think of how it could be applied to terrorism, even.  Take away the water.  Throughout history, there have been many ways of winning battles through poisoning creeks and such, remember?

Our lands are ruined without rain, 

and they are destroyed by it.  

Our tallest and most lush mountains - created and sustained by water.

Kate, I selected this image for you; hope it doesn't bring back feelings of panic. But we were there - we saw with our eyes the tallest peaks. And we were literally hanging off the side of the planet. 

And the fields of our greatest vast spaces - water.

You see field. I see water and sun.

Water cleans all wounds, of flesh or land.  It's everything!  We are fully at the mercy of water.  It could be said that if you control the H's and O's, you control everything... but then again, H's and O's cannot be contained.  Not really.

Water is life.  Appreciate the luxury you have next time you touch a faucet.  Do not take it for granted.

Work With Me, People! Work, Seinfeld, Crossfit

How you can tell it's been a productive day

I love people who can deal with me correctly.  Not that I am particularly difficult to get along with, just that I tend to be super quirky, and people don't know what to make of me most of the time.

I feel like I always have so much to talk about, and it baffles me that other people don't.  When I was working out of our Owings Mills office other day, I had lunch with my friends Cassie and Gym Rat.  After spending probably 40 minutes in banter, I realized that like usual, Gym Rat was not speaking.

Veronica:  “Someone else other than me talk.  
I can’t be the only one with things going on.”

Cassie:  “You’re not, I already told my story…”

Gym Rat:  “Well, unlike you and Cassie, I don’t have any stories about blood on my apartment walls due to crackheads breaking in, I haven’t been robbed, and I haven’t stopped any fights or filed any police reports lately."

It's true - I do have a lot of stories like that on a regular basis (and so does Cassie).  But how do other people not?  It's weird to me. 

Things are tough at work right now, across my team. Scotty and I planned to go to lunch the other day. Maybe it's the theory of bonding through despondency, or maybe we really are just on the same wavelength most of the time (as I am with most of my work brothers,) but whatever the case, we are kindred spirits. We've even reduced entire sentences to just abbreviations, and we still get each other.

Veronica:

Where are we going to lunch at 12?

Scotty:

To the bridge....

Veronica:

Ok but I have heels on and I'm not changing, so keep that in mind

Scotty:

It's ok, we are going to jump off

Veronica:

but... that is a waste of shoes....

Ok I'll leave them to Elaine

Scotty:

I was thinking Chicken Rico

Veronica:

And you'll be paying for that Uber?  [Chicken Rico is like 3/4 of a mile away]

Scotty:

What? Really...it is like 3 blocks and it is nice afo

Veronica:

afo? rly? ok.

Scotty:

gtfoh dont rly meeeeeeeeeeee

Veronica:

lol ok

Scotty:

afo is the new ttly yfm?

Veronica:

I do fy

Scotty:

YES.  U c

Veronica:

I do

Scotty:

kindred....

Veronica:

yup

(Also, today Scotty and I bonded after disclosing our mutual love for power washing.  We find therapy in such tasks.  Anyone else? Or is it just us?  Either way, it goes to show... kindred.)

Don't get me wrong - I like being busy at work.  Not that I am the type of person who always needs to be doing something, (in fact, I am an award winning napper,) but when I am doing something I like, it's hard for me to pull away.  

We had a fire alarm go off recently.  I went in to my boss's (the head of the department) office to tell him that he had to end his meeting, and that I'd send out a note to all the meeting participants that we'd reschedule.  

After a good 3-4 minutes, he came to my desk and said, "Veronica, I really think that I'll get in trouble if you are still working even though the building is on fire.  Can you stop working for a few minutes, please?"  

And, like any close-quarters environment, one always has to deal with the sounds and smells of those around them.  I have talked to you before (click here for reference) about how chewing and pen clicking make me want to go postal, but strong perfumes and colognes make it hard to breathe around here, and it bothers me almost as chewing and clicking.  If you know me, you might find it ironic that I have such an aversion to strong perfumes, since one of my four vices is soaps.  But it's different when you can't escape someone's perfume/cologne. 

We hired someone in the middle of the year who sat next to me until recently, and her perfume was so overwhelming that I had to have a fan next to my face every day to try to help me breathe.  Fortunately, she recently moved to the other side of the building, and very honestly, it's made a drastic positive difference in my workplace environment. 

I'm not the only one who is sensitive to smells.  My office neighbor Nelly just started in August, and she told me right away that she, too, has a sensitive sense of smell.  So when one morning when she was still new-ish, she (in a very creepy voice) said, "Good morning, Veronica... I knew you were here... because I can smellll youuuu..." I was mortified, because as someone who can't handle strong perfumes, I don't want to be a culprit, especially considering that I don't wear perfume.  Turns out that she can smell my laundry detergent, and after learning that, I am not surprised; I was known for it at my last job.  Everyone used to say that I smelled like a dryer sheet (in a good way.)  

But it doesn't stop being weird.

Miglin, Veronica:

Nelly just says to me "good morning....

......

.......

.....

I can smell you."

I said "It never stops being weird, Nelly!!"

Gym Rat:

it's now official

This conversation is repeated often.  "It never stops being weird, Nelly!"

Elaine Crossfit and The Office Version of Seinfeld

Like I have mentioned to you before, I am too busy for anything at work, and this spills into other things, like checking personal e-mail.  I apologize.  I really do.  Just in general.  While I am not rude about it, it is well known at work that I am too busy to sit around and chat.  I have mastered the art of excusing myself from small talk.

My friend/colleague Elaine (a.k.a. and here-forth known as Crossfit) has, from when she first came to my company, always been able to deal with me like a pro.

Her name is Elaine Crossfit because she essentially is Elaine from Seinfeld if crossfit were around back then.  The parallels to us and Seinfeld are so on point, and we even have names picked out for our colleagues.  Some are from the show (Newman, Bania,) and some are newly formed.  It's really fun. 

She is the very essence of Elaine, and I am the very essence of Jerry (I go by Jeri).

Honestly might as well be Elaine Crossfit - 

they even look alike

For some reason which I don’t care to speculate upon, folks over in her area seem to have quite a bit more free time than I do.  Let’s just say that there’s a lot of internet shopping going on over there.  They also have time to make decorations for birthday celebrations, and other sorts of… we’ll call it “morale building time.” 

Elaine casually came to my desk when she first started here a few months ago and said, “Hey, I’m creating some fun signs for Laura’s birthday party today.  Can you think of anything neat about her that we can use?”  And my response was, “Oh, so you have time to do my expenses for me?”  And without skipping a beat she said, “No.  So I was thinking that we could put her head on a Raven’s cheerleader, and have her sign autographs.”  So I said, "Oh, so you have time to do my expenses?" And she immediately said, "No.  So maybe some fun Raven's trivia!" She threw my BS right back at me.  It was great.

This is basically a daily occurrence for us.  Recently, I was really focused on working on my presentation, and she comes up and starts talking about her upcoming move, and how she needs to pack.  The conversation got pretty thick, so I abruptly said, “Yeah I’m busy… so…”  which just fuels her fire, and then she starts describing each napkin and fork she will be packing in a box.  The more I tell her to leave, the more in detail she gets about whatever time-consuming thing she is rambling on about.  It’s fantastic and very entertaining. 

I have many, many great relationships at work, and many of them serve me differently and I them.  One of the greatest perks of being friends with Elaine is that she and I are yin and yang when it comes to food preferences.  As I think I've told you, this is my idea of a delicious lunch:

This is her reaction every time I offer her a plate of delicious vegetables with hummus:  

She has a major aversion to vegetables, and I have an aversion to complex carbs, so it really works out for us at the dinner table.  We swap half our meals.

Of course, life being so unfair, she is a tiny little crossfit thing, but can eat like it's her professional career.

Our dinner/drinks before the Ed Sheeran concert. 

To be fair, we both freaked out about how delicious the lobster roll was

Pounding down some donuts whilst showing her guns

"Oh, Mission BBQ, you say? Okay, hold on, 

let me get into battle position."

Meanwhile I eat "ruffage" as she calls it and well, I ain't no little thing.

It's alright though.  It is well with my soul; more hummus and veggies for me.

I hope that your job is just as fun as mine. If it's not, talk to me, and maybe you can work here.  We are always casting for new characters!

Happy New Year, everyone!