Work With Me, People! Work, Seinfeld, Crossfit

How you can tell it's been a productive day

I love people who can deal with me correctly.  Not that I am particularly difficult to get along with, just that I tend to be super quirky, and people don't know what to make of me most of the time.

I feel like I always have so much to talk about, and it baffles me that other people don't.  When I was working out of our Owings Mills office other day, I had lunch with my friends Cassie and Gym Rat.  After spending probably 40 minutes in banter, I realized that like usual, Gym Rat was not speaking.

Veronica:  “Someone else other than me talk.  
I can’t be the only one with things going on.”

Cassie:  “You’re not, I already told my story…”

Gym Rat:  “Well, unlike you and Cassie, I don’t have any stories about blood on my apartment walls due to crackheads breaking in, I haven’t been robbed, and I haven’t stopped any fights or filed any police reports lately."

It's true - I do have a lot of stories like that on a regular basis (and so does Cassie).  But how do other people not?  It's weird to me. 

Things are tough at work right now, across my team. Scotty and I planned to go to lunch the other day. Maybe it's the theory of bonding through despondency, or maybe we really are just on the same wavelength most of the time (as I am with most of my work brothers,) but whatever the case, we are kindred spirits. We've even reduced entire sentences to just abbreviations, and we still get each other.

Veronica:

Where are we going to lunch at 12?

Scotty:

To the bridge....

Veronica:

Ok but I have heels on and I'm not changing, so keep that in mind

Scotty:

It's ok, we are going to jump off

Veronica:

but... that is a waste of shoes....

Ok I'll leave them to Elaine

Scotty:

I was thinking Chicken Rico

Veronica:

And you'll be paying for that Uber?  [Chicken Rico is like 3/4 of a mile away]

Scotty:

What? Really...it is like 3 blocks and it is nice afo

Veronica:

afo? rly? ok.

Scotty:

gtfoh dont rly meeeeeeeeeeee

Veronica:

lol ok

Scotty:

afo is the new ttly yfm?

Veronica:

I do fy

Scotty:

YES.  U c

Veronica:

I do

Scotty:

kindred....

Veronica:

yup

(Also, today Scotty and I bonded after disclosing our mutual love for power washing.  We find therapy in such tasks.  Anyone else? Or is it just us?  Either way, it goes to show... kindred.)

Don't get me wrong - I like being busy at work.  Not that I am the type of person who always needs to be doing something, (in fact, I am an award winning napper,) but when I am doing something I like, it's hard for me to pull away.  

We had a fire alarm go off recently.  I went in to my boss's (the head of the department) office to tell him that he had to end his meeting, and that I'd send out a note to all the meeting participants that we'd reschedule.  

After a good 3-4 minutes, he came to my desk and said, "Veronica, I really think that I'll get in trouble if you are still working even though the building is on fire.  Can you stop working for a few minutes, please?"  

And, like any close-quarters environment, one always has to deal with the sounds and smells of those around them.  I have talked to you before (click here for reference) about how chewing and pen clicking make me want to go postal, but strong perfumes and colognes make it hard to breathe around here, and it bothers me almost as chewing and clicking.  If you know me, you might find it ironic that I have such an aversion to strong perfumes, since one of my four vices is soaps.  But it's different when you can't escape someone's perfume/cologne. 

We hired someone in the middle of the year who sat next to me until recently, and her perfume was so overwhelming that I had to have a fan next to my face every day to try to help me breathe.  Fortunately, she recently moved to the other side of the building, and very honestly, it's made a drastic positive difference in my workplace environment. 

I'm not the only one who is sensitive to smells.  My office neighbor Nelly just started in August, and she told me right away that she, too, has a sensitive sense of smell.  So when one morning when she was still new-ish, she (in a very creepy voice) said, "Good morning, Veronica... I knew you were here... because I can smellll youuuu..." I was mortified, because as someone who can't handle strong perfumes, I don't want to be a culprit, especially considering that I don't wear perfume.  Turns out that she can smell my laundry detergent, and after learning that, I am not surprised; I was known for it at my last job.  Everyone used to say that I smelled like a dryer sheet (in a good way.)  

But it doesn't stop being weird.

Miglin, Veronica:

Nelly just says to me "good morning....

......

.......

.....

I can smell you."

I said "It never stops being weird, Nelly!!"

Gym Rat:

it's now official

This conversation is repeated often.  "It never stops being weird, Nelly!"

Elaine Crossfit and The Office Version of Seinfeld

Like I have mentioned to you before, I am too busy for anything at work, and this spills into other things, like checking personal e-mail.  I apologize.  I really do.  Just in general.  While I am not rude about it, it is well known at work that I am too busy to sit around and chat.  I have mastered the art of excusing myself from small talk.

My friend/colleague Elaine (a.k.a. and here-forth known as Crossfit) has, from when she first came to my company, always been able to deal with me like a pro.

Her name is Elaine Crossfit because she essentially is Elaine from Seinfeld if crossfit were around back then.  The parallels to us and Seinfeld are so on point, and we even have names picked out for our colleagues.  Some are from the show (Newman, Bania,) and some are newly formed.  It's really fun. 

She is the very essence of Elaine, and I am the very essence of Jerry (I go by Jeri).

Honestly might as well be Elaine Crossfit - 

they even look alike

For some reason which I don’t care to speculate upon, folks over in her area seem to have quite a bit more free time than I do.  Let’s just say that there’s a lot of internet shopping going on over there.  They also have time to make decorations for birthday celebrations, and other sorts of… we’ll call it “morale building time.” 

Elaine casually came to my desk when she first started here a few months ago and said, “Hey, I’m creating some fun signs for Laura’s birthday party today.  Can you think of anything neat about her that we can use?”  And my response was, “Oh, so you have time to do my expenses for me?”  And without skipping a beat she said, “No.  So I was thinking that we could put her head on a Raven’s cheerleader, and have her sign autographs.”  So I said, "Oh, so you have time to do my expenses?" And she immediately said, "No.  So maybe some fun Raven's trivia!" She threw my BS right back at me.  It was great.

This is basically a daily occurrence for us.  Recently, I was really focused on working on my presentation, and she comes up and starts talking about her upcoming move, and how she needs to pack.  The conversation got pretty thick, so I abruptly said, “Yeah I’m busy… so…”  which just fuels her fire, and then she starts describing each napkin and fork she will be packing in a box.  The more I tell her to leave, the more in detail she gets about whatever time-consuming thing she is rambling on about.  It’s fantastic and very entertaining. 

I have many, many great relationships at work, and many of them serve me differently and I them.  One of the greatest perks of being friends with Elaine is that she and I are yin and yang when it comes to food preferences.  As I think I've told you, this is my idea of a delicious lunch:

This is her reaction every time I offer her a plate of delicious vegetables with hummus:  

She has a major aversion to vegetables, and I have an aversion to complex carbs, so it really works out for us at the dinner table.  We swap half our meals.

Of course, life being so unfair, she is a tiny little crossfit thing, but can eat like it's her professional career.

Our dinner/drinks before the Ed Sheeran concert. 

To be fair, we both freaked out about how delicious the lobster roll was

Pounding down some donuts whilst showing her guns

"Oh, Mission BBQ, you say? Okay, hold on, 

let me get into battle position."

Meanwhile I eat "ruffage" as she calls it and well, I ain't no little thing.

It's alright though.  It is well with my soul; more hummus and veggies for me.

I hope that your job is just as fun as mine. If it's not, talk to me, and maybe you can work here.  We are always casting for new characters!

Happy New Year, everyone!