Turn Down For What

I feel like this note of instruction which came written on these chopsticks should also have been printed on my forehead at birth.

I feel that it is important for me to tell you about this, more so for your own safety rather than just randomly spouted pontifications (a.k.a.about 90% of this entire blog site.)  

(Except for the part about Sue eating your food.  I was not joking about that – that is an issue to be taken seriously.  Look at what happened to my milkshake this past weekend.  Even AFTER I threw my body over top of it.)

Her feelings were only slightly hurt when I moved all of my food and my milkshake to literally the furthest point on the table from her.

I have always had very hyper-acoustics.  Years and years ago, I went to a show that was way too loud, and it blew out my ear (which was painful for a couple of years, but now I'm used to it), and I had to get an earpiece after that.  (I owned that earpiece for about two weeks before my boyfriend-at-the-time’s Rottweiler found it on the coffee table and ate it.  I never replaced it.)

So, when I am someplace very noisy (and it’s worse if it is enclosed,) I can’t hear a darn thing, because all I hear is static, like when you turn up your car radio too loud and all you hear is static.   So places like noisy restaurants, concerts, sporting events, and even in cars, I have trouble hearing if there is too much noise.  

I usually then have no idea what is going on around me, and will need to hold your hand.  For those who have become accustomed to going in public with me, you have learned to just hold my wallet (because I will lose whatever is in my hands due to all the confusion) and push and prod me in the direction in which we are supposed to be heading.

You might not even notice how much noise you are actually hearing at any given point in your daily life, but I am aware of white noise (i.e. air conditioning), far-off noises, and things like people breathing loudly, people chewing gum, and music played in restaurants which is turned down so low that most people aren’t even aware it is playing.  

If you’ve ever spent a great deal of time with me, you know this, as I will start breaking out in song/dance to whatever is playing, and you will stare at my like I am a crazy person until you also hear the music.

While I am usually a very patient person, I lose my s*%$ about sounds.  You might not know it, but I am usually dying inside if someone next to us has been stirring their icy drink for absolutely no reason at all for the past 5 minutes.  

If someone is chewing ice, I am dying inside, and THEN you also add the element of wanting to yell at them about grinding their teeth down on ice.  Too much noise + lack of concern over dental wellness = It's just too much.

Okay, so now I have laid out one of my greatest vulnerabilities for all to know, I can tell you this next part with you now having an understanding on why this issue is a big deal to me, though it may seem like small potatoes to you.

I have become increasingly less patient about noise recently, and I am genuinely sorry about it.  It is due to two reasons:

1)   A colleague who will not stop clicking his/her pen because s/he knows that it bothers me to the ultimate level.  The clicking.  It is about 3 hours a day of just clicking – it’s gotten worse. It’s like a game to him/her.  And perhaps s/he is reading this blog right now, and I don’t even care, because I need you to know that it’s serious, and I’m fixin’ to go to HR about it, as previously mentioned.  Seriously.  It’s not funny.

      2)  A different colleague who is the worst chewer in all of the land.  Listen, I usually can do a lot of self-talk to get myself to calm down in these situations, but with this particular person, it is not just me.  Every single person on the team now owns ear buds, and it is a mad dash to put in the ear buds when said colleague comes back to their desk with food.   I am not joking when I say that the sound of it makes me want to vomit. 

A different colleague recently moved into our little neighborhood here.  On his/her first day, s/he sent me a message that said, “Do I hear… chewing?”  I had to give her the low down.  The same thing has happened to two more people who have moved in.  

It's so serious, that we even try to sound a (silent) alarm.

IM convo:

4:10 PM Other Colleague

lots of chewing.  I heard it over my telephone convo

4:10 PM Veronica

I heard it coming in; I’m in earbuds

4:11 PM Other Colleague

thanks for the heads up :-\

4:12 PM Veronica

I just got situated!!!!!!  The rule is that you place the mask over your head and secure it, pull on the tube to start the flow of oxygen, breathe normally, and THEN help others.

4:12 PM Other Colleague

you didn’t even follow through, I brought it to your attention!

Even my boss, who is against earbuds, walked over to my desk one day, and was standing there talking when she suddenly was given a large dose of the chewing, and had to excuse herself due to becoming nauseated.

I know, this all seems quite trivial, and it is.  But it is driving me insane, and it’s making me very snappy in life outside of work, as well.  So, I kind of have written this whole section by way of apology.   If I suddenly remove your pen from your hand, or pick the gum out of your mouth unexpectidly, I am sorry.  I just am very sensitive to sound in this time in my life.

If one or the other (pen clicking or the chewing) would cease, then I could handle one or the other, but I can’t handle both.  It’s like Chinese water torture.  The struggle is real.

Generally speaking, the group I work with is very heads-down, and respects the sanctity of silence.  In fact, that is our motto - "Respect the sanctity of pin-drop silence."  We have a logo and everything.  

Any time someone comes over and starts talking about/inquiring others about their weekend, the weather, next weekend, etc., prolonged conversation is generally discouraged.

Okay, well have a good (and quiet) week. Drive safely in this cold weather - ice is not your friend when it comes to driving.  OH that reminds me to post more Ice Queen jokes from work.  They are always coming in, and I forget to tell you about them.  Here is one:  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From: Colleague

To: Miglin, Veronica

That’s the spirit….  Are you still drinking the eggnog over there?

To: Colleague

From: Miglin, Veronica

:: Gasp ::  You just brought to my attention that I did not consume a single drop of eggnog this entire holiday season.

:: hangs head in shame. ::

From: Colleague

To: Miglin, Veronica
Don’t worry, you were busy freezing Vegas, LA, and the west coast.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Too true, too true. 

I leave you with Smidgen's reaction to a new clock that I hung.  He was not fond of the loud tic-toc sound, but he is too kind to mention his annoyance with the sound.  He does not inherit that trait from me.