Who will you tuck into your vest and ride for?

 Tom and Aaron
 

My little area at work is always changing, as different folks are swapped in and out of the offices and cubes around me.  People come and they go, sometimes I learn their names, and, almost always, I have no idea what they do here.  Although, to be fair, I don’t know what most people do here, myself included.

This guy Tom sits behind me, he’s a jolly fellow, and one of 3 Toms with whom I directly work – Tom who works beside me, Tom who works behind me, and Tom who is one of my managers.  Anyway, Tom is a sweet guy, keeps up with the Osprey and tells me of any and all updates, and doesn’t really open up or say hello to anyone except me.  He and I have brief but friendly exchanges, complete with actual eye contact.  It’s lovely.

There’s this other guy, Aaron, who sits behind us once a week or so.   Also a really, really nice guy.

Aaron just comes over just a little while ago and starts telling Tom about how his brother died very suddenly last week.  Aaron is a young guy, maybe late 30’s.  I don’t know what they were talking about before – I was in my own zone.  But Aaron’s voice got very raw, and I could feel all of the air being sucked out of the room.  He had nothing to hide, he was raw, his heart was on the floor, and he was unapologetically sentimental. 

What I lack is sympathy.  I do not have that very often. 

“Both empathy and sympathy are feelings concerning other people. Sympathy is literally 'feeling with' - compassion for or commiseration with another person. Empathy, by contrast, is literally 'feeling into' - the ability to project one's personality into another person and more fully understand that person.”

I have extraordinary amount of empathy.

So Aaron is pouring his heart out to Tom, about how he loved his brother, how he was only a year younger than himself.  Aaron is pouring, saying all of the things you would imagine one would say.  The saddest, saddest, heart breaking things.

 Then Aaron starts to ask Tom how his wife is doing, and Tom starts telling him that she is doing really well, she only has three more chemo treatments to go, that the doctors raised her dosage.  [[ I had no idea about any of this.]]  How she is still working, how she is always busy, how she can never just sit down and read a novel, and what is evident in Tom’s voice is how much he adores his wife.

This made me realize three things.

1. You never really know a person, do you?  You can sit next to someone day in and day out, and never really know what is happening in their precious, short, wonderful life.
2. I’m glad for my heart of steel; I am not prepared to handle the risk of loss.  People are dying; people are sick and dying, and people love them, and life is too short and it isn’t really fair at all.
3. Which also makes me glad for my diplomatic family situation.  Touch and go, optional at times, sample-serving sized, take it or leave it; safe.  This is what we have made it, this is how we have allowed it to be. 

Reality check:  Which of your relationships are sample-serving-sized – I mean, really think about it.  Maybe no one.  Maybe you have everyone in your life just as you want it.  Just ensure – yes, please ensure, that you are very, very cognizant of ensuring that you are treating even mour post precious, taken-for-granted relationships in a non-sample-serving-portion.   What if they died suddenly, no warning. 

So finally, Aaron is telling Tom about the biking race that he has chosen to participate in this weekend, which is a 140 mile bike ride from Ocean City to Baltimore to raise money for HIV and cancer patients. 

Aaron is saying how he is really looking forward to it, it means the world to him right now.

Aaron says that he is going to write Tom’s wife’s name on a piece of paper and put it in his riding vest, so that he can ride for her.   Tom says he really, really appreciates that.  Aaron says he’s proud to do it.

Aaron says he is also going to be riding in memory of his brother.

It makes me sad, and raw, and connected to him.

Aaron is going to be a new man henceforth, I can tell.  Aaron has seen some truth recently.  

And now, things and conversations of my life from the past while:

This fetus means a lot to me:

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From: Christine
Sent: Tuesday, May 06, 2014 2:18 PM
To: Miglin, Veronica
Subject: RE: Pizza Phriday

Hi Cuz!!!

                I did send this to Jim to confirm on some dates, but I do know that  5/17 does not work for us.   

                Looking forward to seeing you and Kate!!!   Is this the first meeting of the Seattle Cry Fest???

From: Miglin, Veronica
To: Christine, Katelyn
Subject: RE: Pizza Phriday

Yes.  It is the first official meeting of the Pacific NorthwesTears.  See what I did there. 

Okay, we can look to June.  Waiting to hear back from Kate on some dates, too. 

J

~ Stella

From: Katelyn Sullivan
To: Miglin, Veronica
Subject: RE: Pizza Phriday

LMAO. Yes!

From: Miglin, Veronica
To: Katelyn Sullivan
Subject: RE: Pizza Phriday

Say it out loud to get the full effect.

It’s supposed to be Pacific Northwesters

But I added a thing there

From: Katelyn Sullivan
To: Miglin, Veronica
Subject: RE: Pizza Phriday

Lol. I saw it. It’s perfect.

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