I have Multiple Sclerosis!

I have told pretty much all of you 1:1 by now, so I can post about it here. I have Multiple Sclerosis (M.S.)! It isn’t scary, so I don’t mind being a bit light hearted about it! Being diagnosed now versus being diagnosed 20... even 10 years ago is a totally different thing, so, we don’t have much to fear, my friends.

The Short Version!

If you are a totally lame person and only want the short point of this entry, scroll down to where you see the next M.S. Awareness ribbon:

For regular, nice people, continue reading here:

What actually is it?

Multiple sclerosis is... ready?... Multiple (more than one) sclerosis (scar tissue) on your brain or spinal cord.  The disease is an auto-immune disease, meaning that your body... your immune system (the central command for battling illnesses and viruses), is on auto-pilot ALL THE TIME, so it sometimes ends up attacking itself.  

So, the M.S. disease is basically a squirrel.

Think of your brain as the motherboard of a computer, and all of your nerves as the long wiring that goes everywhere and transmits the signals that makes your body move and breath and pump blood and drive and play video games.   And, wires, as you may know, have a nice, cushy covering, just like your phone cord does.  

Your phone cord is not just metal, otherwise we'd all get shocked and catch on fire all the time.  The coating protects the cord.  Your nerves work the same way, except the coating is called myelin sheath (covering).  

So, this squirrel, aka the disease, comes in, and starts chewing on the dang wiring.  This interrupts the signals sent to that part of the body.  Things do not go well.  That part of the body loses communication with the motherboard.

Sometimes, after the attack, the body can repair that myelin and signals are returned, and sometimes, not so much.  Unless you are on treatment, this squirrel is running around rampant and can attack any time.  
Maybe he goes for your nerves or your vision, or maybe he lays dormant for years.
Maybe your body can recover, maybe it can't.  
That's why the medicine is so important... it stops the squirrel, it just stops it!

We’ve only really started understanding how to deal with this disease over the past 20 years or so. The medications that have been released in the past 10-20 years have made it so that being diagnosed with M.S. these days is really not a big deal. The medications that are available have the ability to basically halt the disease/squirrel in its tracks. It’s amazing, really.  There's no cure, but at least we can hope to halt progress.

It is so frustrating to hear people give out fake news and alternative facts about this stuff. It is so important to take an interest in your own health, and when you have any sort of ailment, it is so important to make sure to never stop educating yourself. I know of quite a few people who have M.S., and for all sorts of reasons, they are not on any treatment. It’s a huge gamble… but also, I can’t judge, because everyone is different, and everyone deals differently with how they think is best to manage their soul vessels.

My personal story:

About 5 years ago around Thanksgiving, my right foot started getting really tingly, like the pins and needles you feel when you’ve been sitting too long and your foot or arm or whatever goes numb. Except it didn’t go away. Eventually, it crawled up my entire right leg, and it got to the point that I literally couldn’t feel that right side of my body, from about belly button down my right leg. I knew I wasn’t having a stroke, and I felt otherwise fine, so I really didn’t freak out about it, because I didn’t have time for such an inconvenience. I had just started a new job and didn’t want to be that guy who takes off work right away, and I was traveling to visit my aunt in Florida for the holiday.

Miraculously, I was still able to drive and walk just fine, I just couldn’t feel anything on my right side. You literally could have shot me in my leg and I would not have known. I had to wear shoes that strapped to my feet, because I wore flats one day, and looked down to realize that I had been walking on my now-sideways facing shoe. That’s a quick way to break an ankle, and I wouldn’t have known it… but thankfully it was winter boot season, so I just wore boots for about 6 months.

Eventually, the tingling and numbness started moving to my other foot, and that’s when I knew I was in trouble. Thankfully, I had a very good friend at the time who asked me when we were going to celebrate her birthday with a happy hour (December 1), and I told her that I didn’t know how far I could walk, and explained the situation. She, being a paralegal and all-around badass, screamed at me on the phone that “YOU SHOULD BE IN A MACHINE RIGHT NOW… NO… HANG UP THIS PHONE AND LEAVE WORK AND GET IN A MACHINE…” and she basically kept screaming and terrifying me until she met me at the hospital very soon afterwards. I’ll always be grateful for her snapping me out of myself.

Another symptom I had going on was a TERRIBLE misfiring nerve in my chest, almost by my armpit. It’s kind of hard to explain, but basically, it felt as though someone had shot a smoldering arrow clear through that joint area of my arm, in the front and clear out the back. It was extremely itchy, to say the very least, and in fact sitting there in bed rolling around in discomfort that morning that I went into the hospital, after already haven gotten ready for work, it was the actual last straw. It was torture, and I was terribly bruising myself by trying to find relief.

Lots of testing later, we didn’t know much, just that it was possible that I could have M.S., and that I had transverse myelitis, which is inflammation of the spinal cord. My spine for some reason started viewing my legs as a virus or something foreign, and so it had been cutting them off. The body is amazing, that it can do that. 

So, it took many months and lots of rounds of steroids, but I eventually could feel my legs again. The misfiring nerve got a lot better, too, but I do still struggle with the discomfort of it on an almost daily basis.

M.S. is really hard to diagnose, because no two cases are alike. You need to have a combination of at least two things to diagnose someone…. Either two “events” (which is what I went through,) or progress on an MRI (meaning that new lesions, or scars, are visible on your brain or spinal cord.)

I never had the combination, so they could not diagnose me. Meanwhile, I went to multiple different doctors at Johns Hopkins and University of MD to get more opinions. No one could diagnose me for years, and that was fine by me. I didn’t want to start treatment anyway… first of all, it’s a major commitment not to be taken lightly, and secondly, it’s about $45,000/year. Who was going to pay for that if I lost my job? Obama? Oprah? Trump? (LOL nah, it’s pre-existing condition…)

Annual or semi-annual 3-4 hours long MRIs! I don't mind them.

Finally, my main neurologist, who is amazing, said to me, “Look, you’re putting yourself at risk every day you are not on treatment.” He told me that they can get conclusive data by testing my spinal fluid, so that’s what we did. This led to a spinal fluid leak, which was misery for about 2 weeks… but I digress…

So, I started treatment after that. That was almost exactly 2 years ago.

Picking a treatment is almost literally like choosing your poison. Each has its terrible side effects, none of them are without risk. I’ve been on the same one since I was diagnosed, and it’s been rough.   The good news is that Smidgen has been extremely aiding, and always seems to know when I feel like death.  

((( engage extreme cat healing )))

I get flu-like symptoms every other week, and spend the better part of every other weekend ill. Over time, I’ve grown accustomed to it, and my doctor says that I’m part of the 15-20% of patients who don’t seem to totally acclimate to the side effects. There’s not really a solution. I’m basically allergic to my medicine, which, btw, is a shot that I give to myself, and my injection site swells up and bruises for about 10 weeks. It gives me a really cool cheetah pattern. Check it out.

Dangit, I thought I had more pictures of the cheetah print, but it turns out that I do not.

The worst part

Probably the worst part about going on treatment was that I couldn’t figure out how to do archery anymore. The treatment (especially in the first year) gives me hot flashes like crazy. I already had a pretty severe aversion to heat and sun (WHICH, btw, is common for M.S. patients and kind of a symptom,) and the treatment made it so much worse. In the hot Maryland summer, I couldn’t figure out what to do. I remember one day I was at a shoot at my club, and I simply couldn’t go on anymore – I had to walk off and go home.

I was thrilled that Nationals were going to be in Washington State that year, because Washington State is my favorite place! It is cloudy and cool! Finally! It would only get to be like 70 degrees at the worst! I would shoot and it would be amazing!!

Except, it was the hottest summer they’ve had on record with temperatures hovering around 100 each day. Of course. 

It was a heatwave the entire week we were there, and I got sick and couldn’t shoot well. I had a really really great trip over all, and got to meet up with lots of friends, but the archery was a loss.

I didn’t touch my bow again for months.

So, I am going to amp myself up and try to see what I can do, again. I don’t know how I will manage. But I would hate to give up so soon.

Why are you only now telling me?

Well, I wanted to see what I could do on my own. I told my small circle of trust, and put everyone, including my mom & Mario, on strict lock down from discussing it. I have my reasons. Mostly, because I didn’t want people to know half the story. There is such a stigma with M.S.. People hear “M.S.” and they immediately think… wheelchair… or some other awful fate. 

 The truth is, it simply isn’t like that anymore with the treatments that are available, and I never feel comfortable telling people that I have M.S. without being able to make eye contact and tell them the full story.

It’s important to me to be able to open up the conversation. They say it’s a “rare” disease… but I’d say about 4% of the people I know have it. (That’s a lot, actually.) And that’s only the people I know about.

There could be other people who, like me, aren’t public with it, or haven't been officially diagnosed yet. I know that before I was diagnosed, the one person I knew had it at the time wouldn’t talk to me about it. I felt resource-less. I don’t want anyone to feel like that.

Why this is important

Just as importantly, I have seen the benefit in sharing. I have a friend from my last job who is a C-level employee, and will be for the rest of his life… he’ll always be running some company somewhere. He happened to get scooped up in the news, because we caught up not long after I started my new job, and he has a medical background, so I shared with him. We catch up every 4-6 months.

About a year ago, we caught up again, and he shared with me the most heartwarming story. He told me that even though he had no previous experience with M.S., by knowing me, and hearing my story, and seeing how the whole thing developed and my journey to treatment, he has been able to support his own employees. He had an employee who recently opted to go through the most rigorous M.S. treatment (which is basically a chemo and was just approved by the FDA last November), and he said that by my sharing my journey with him, he was able to support her in a way he would have never even considered before. He had previously never given much thought to M.S., but by learning through me, it became real.

And, in other employees, he has a compassion now for their medical journeys that he was blind to beforehand. He never had to think of people like that before, and he thinks that he is a better boss, and a better person, directly because of seeing me through my experience. This, THIS, is everything to me.

Remember, if you know someone with M.S., it's okay to talk about it with them, but unless you are a professional counselor or a physician, please remember that you are not a professional counselor or physician.

If you actually just skipped from one ribbon to the other, I am so upset with you right now.  I know who you are.

So, the timing of this is for a reason. March is M.S. awareness month. There are many M.S. walks, all that can be found here (click here) at the National MS Society, along with TONS of really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really helpful resources and tools.

The walk I go to is in Annapolis on April 8th, and I want you to come with me.

I did the walk last April, and allow me to share with you my experience. 
I signed up, expecting to go by myself, but I invited my mom, and she said she’d do the short walk. 
So, I got up that morning and got ready, and drove to the Navy Stadium, where it starts, and felt so incredibly silly. 
I was thinking, 

I can’t believe I am doing this, this is pathetic. There are going to be 10 people, and we are going to walk around Annapolis, and people are going to think, “wow, 10 people walking for something-or-other, big deal.” 

I felt incredibly silly.

Even as I pulled into the stadium, I couldn’t wrap my mind around what I was seeing. The parking lot was FULL. There were vendors galore, and bubble machines, and loud music, and TONS of people! And free food! I was moved to tears. They make such a big deal. It’s fantastic.

People were there supporting family members, friends, colleagues… I even saw some of my own colleagues, there supporting I don’t know who. I couldn’t believe it, I really couldn’t.

And crossing the finish line, no matter how long it takes you or how far you walked, they have people cheering you on, pom poms and all, just so happy that you are there.

Update:
Here is the link to my Team Page for the walk, if you can donate/join the walk!  For the full scoop on fun stuff,  Click here to be directed.

Dear Me...

Dear Me...

I heard once, many years ago, a snide remark from someone who said that no one under the age of 40 has any right to write an autobiography.  It just should not be done.  Due to my NATURALLY OBJECTIVE NATURE... I actually totally believed them and agreed.  Sometimes, you just know when someone is speaking truth.

This rule-of-thumb was proved to me (again) after recently reading (most of) Anna Kendrick's autobiography, after I was peer-pressured into purchasing it and reading it.

Anna was probably a fresh 29 years young when she wrote it

Sure enough, the beginning chapters were alright, even GOOD... interesting to hear about how a nobody becomes a somebody by sheer grit and perseverance.

However, not even halfway through, it started becoming drab and reaching, and even at the risk of being kicked out of my 2-person book club, I simply couldn't do it anymore.  It became chapters and chapters of descriptions of Oscar parties and dresses and drunken weekends on private islands, and I lost all interest.  

I tell you that preface to acknowledge that I am aware that I am FAR FROM the Legal 40 Age limit of autobiographies, and to have a blog for so long (sincere thanks to those whom have stuck with me all these years) is absolutely law-bending.  

However, all this time, and in fact from the very beginning, the whole reason I wanted to start writing was first and foremost so that I could chronicle the silly minutia of life, and hopefully observe over time how my perspective, friends, circles, and life events would evolve.  I wasn't even going to ever tell a soul that I had a blog... and in fact I didn't widely broadcast it for a while, and then one day, my archery friend Mike and I were shooting, and out of the blue he said, "You haven't blogged for a while... when is the next one coming out?" 

I still remember it like it was yesterday! (He's probably reading this.)   I was so stunned... I didn't even know what to say!   I got right back to work and got back to writing.   And to this day, there's nothing that inspires me to write more than when someone nags me about it.

What got me thinking about all of this again recently was a song by one of my favorite artists, Nichole Nordeman.  You've never heard of her.  She's known as a Christian pop artist (I think?...) and not to sound like a total hipster, but I've loved her for at least 15 years.  I would say that about 85% of her stuff is not catchy, radio hits music.  

She is a story teller... she weaves lyrics together into the most sweeping and daring melodies and harmonies which move my very core to stand at attention.  

It is her songs and lyrics that I hear playing in my head when I am mindlessly cleaning the house, or on long road trips, or getting ready in the morning.  

I was able to trick  persuade  rationally convince my last church (CCF) into letting me sing a few of her songs, such as the song which became affectionately known as The Horse Song!!

This song is not the point.  

Only listen to it if you have so much time... :-)

but most of her stuff just isn't mainstream.

She released yet another album lately, which of course I purchased, and somehow I ended up on her email list.  Every now and then I'd get an email from her, which was her blog - which of course I ate up.  I don't even read blogs - who has time for that crap?  I don't even read my own blog.  I'm kidding, of course.  

There is a song on her new album, and a blog post to match, about how her high school teacher made the class write themselves letters about what they thought their life would be like in a decade, and then the teacher actually mailed those letters out back to the students, ten years later.  The song itself is beautiful - it starts off kind of eh...., but I was absolutely choked up by the last third of it.  Not in a hysterically-girly-crying sort of way, but in a deeper, soul weeping way.  Here it is, in case you are lying in bed tonight and want to listen.

It is a good exercise to think about what you would tell your younger self.  Pick a few ages of your life, and think of what you would tell yourself.  

I once asked Yanni what he would go back and tell this young lad (this is him in his youth, back when he was a young record-setting swimmer from Greece):

and the Yannster totally shut me down by saying something like, "Nothing - I  have always known exactly who and what I wanted to be, and I never let my focus stray from that."   And I was like...

That's nice, YANNI, but the rest of the freakin' world is not a bunch of actual masterpiece-creating geniuses, so thanks for making yourself even MORE unrelatable, you perfect Greek God of Music.  I mean, don't the rest of us wish that we knew from a young age exactly what we wanted to do for the rest of our lives... and then actually do it??  What great fortune.  

Alas, for the rest of us, our roads were a bit bumpier, probably with quite a few turn arounds and sketchy bits of path that we've all just squeezed our eyes shut and hit the pedal to the metal for.

When I think about what I would go back and tell myself, I don't find myself regretting risks I probably shouldn't have taken, or car rides I shouldn't have been in, or arguments I found myself breaking into tears over.  In fact, what I cringe upon when I think of my most pinnacle moments is my self preservation.  Times when I didn't fight for someone, or stick up for a friend.  The times when I was babbling on and on, when in fact what would be like gold in my hand now would have been to be the listener of that particular encounter.  

Of course, I certainly don't beat myself up over very much, in fact, I've even mentioned here that I am adamantly against undue guilt and will beat the heck out of you before I'll let you hop on the guilt train.  (For some of you.  There's a difference between undue guilt, and sweeping transgressions under a rug like they never happened.)

Therefore, I try to be gentle with myself when thinking about what I would have told my younger self.  

I wonder where my high school self would have thought I'd be ten.... even twenty years forward.  Married with kids?  But like... a cool mom?  

The mom with whom all the other kids wanted to spend their time?  Or maybe I would have pictured myself traveling the world, basically a hobo, but like... a cool hobo?

It's never really been hard for me to talk with people, and it's not hard for me to be the one in a room full of people to kick of  a common conversation or even create a lovely atmosphere of awkwardness (you're welcome.)  (At our last "meet the new guy" breakfast at work, I kicked it off with, "Okay everyone, let's go around the room - what was your worst childhood fear???")  That's a product of having moved around so much, and being thrust into so many brand spankin' new social circles for most of my early life.  It really comes in handy!

But there also came a point, and I have trouble pin-pointing when it happened, that I stopped allowing myself to shine so quickly, and now I occasionally find myself anxiously avoiding certain social recipes so that I don't have to use that muscle.  

Somewhere along the line, I've swapped boisterous laughing with strangers with self preservation.  I bet this happens to the best of us all, but after giving it some thought over the past couple of weeks, THAT is the message I want to go back and tell younger me:

Don't stop acting like a fool... keep embarrassing your friends in public.  They'll play like they don't know you, but they really love you.  Talk with strangers, put yourself out there, at risk for a negative and downer conversations.  Be bright eyed and unaware of glares.  Dance down the grocery aisle.  Stand arms-wide-open, regardless of who might fall into them.  It may cost you time, drama, stress, anxiety, money, tears, anger, fear, loss of appetite, countless hours of worry, but don't stop accepting invitations to humans.  Let people touch you, let them love up on you, because it is hard to get back into the habit of allowing people back in.  Let people be human with you - there will be good times and there will be awful times.  Don't give up on them.  Don't let the few idiot donkeys mess it up for the masses who actually need you.  You are here for a purpose - and that purpose is not within your right to withhold.  See the greater need, even on the dark days.  Don't let the bitterness win... Not today, and not tomorrow.   Love them like they were your own blood.   It's hard to undo the damage once you've lost that sense of connection with people like you used to be able to enjoy so easily.  

Hopefully you'll think about this exercise for your own  younger self.  Maybe it will inspire you to be nicer to yourself, and to others who are, in fact, ten or twenty years behind you, or even in front of you, down the road a little further.  Remember that everyone around you is going through something, and we all need each other to pull through this dang thing.  No man is an island, my friends. 

Can't wait to see what I would add to this entry... ten years from now.  

Oh the things to come...

The Future Is Now!!!

This message came up on one of the screens during church last week, and tbh, I would attend a church who appreciated and got this excited about chips. I definitely gave an AMEN when this happened.

How's work?

Earlier this year, I got a new position within my company.  The evolution of the position has been laughable at best, and confusing & disheartening at worst.  Don’t get me wrong – I love my company and my colleagues, and generally speaking, I have absolutely no complaints and am beyond grateful for what I have.  When it comes right down to it, I am spoiled in regards to my job.  I have tons of flexibility in many aspects, and that includes learning opportunities and ways to captain my own career path.

Having said that, it does seem that every few months, the job has changed.  Back in January or February, I moved into this new position within the team that I had already been working for several years.  However, within just a couple of weeks, the whole team was disseminated and restructured, and it seemed like we were all being restructured every few weeks.  This went on for several months, and I think that only now has the dust started to settle. 

The impact it had on me was that my role was shifted and tossed until it settled under a new department (along with my manager and one colleague).  I’ve worked at the downtown BMore location for many years, and after a few weeks of accepting my new role, they told me that the whole (new) department was going to the Owings Mills location, which is twice the commute time for me. However, at the same time, they changed my role to being a teleworker role, so that I may work from any location, and also from home.  It has worked out pretty well, and I am able to split up my time as needed and be where I need to be for meetings.

The only small sacrifice I’ve had to make was giving up a nice big desk.  I have a desk in Owings Mills (which is home to my tea station… a home for the tea station is non-negotiable)

And even if the desk is ONLY big enough to accommodate the tea, that’s fine. 

It's A Jungle Out There 

I’ve gotten pretty good at being a transient worker, living out of a bag and constantly being armed with wet wipes to clean my desk of the day.  In fact, most of my team functions as nomadic workers, going between locations and most of us working from home on Fridays.  

With so many people being nomadic workers within my company, it does create a bit of a space problem.  With the demand for office space at the various locations being so high, it creates a bit of jungle law.  If I’ve reserved an office (through the appropriate reservation system) for Thursday, and I show up on Thursday morning and someone is squatting at the space, I am kicking them out.  I have yet to encounter an actual negative experience with this, (they know they are in the wrong!) but I fully expect to throw down one day in the future. 

Teleworking Is The Future?

I saw an article recently  (click here for the article) about how many companies are making work from home work for everyone.  I’m not sure if you will be able to access that article without a log in, so I’ll just put one quote from it here.  It talks about the benefits of having employees be more flexible with teleworking:

“The remote work capability has been key in maintaining business continuity through several incidents in recent years including severe snowstorms in the Northeast, an earthquake and tsunami in Japan, 2012 summer Olympics in London, and the events following the [2013] Boston Marathon when people were restricted from leaving their homes,

The great part about teleworking is that you can work from anywhere, any time.  The downswing of teleworking is that you can work from anywhere, any time. There’s not really such thing as a “sick day,” because you can still log in from home and get stuff done, even if you are contagious and mucus-ing all over everything.  So, sometimes it can be hard for people to unplug. Not me, but some people.

The Future Is Now!

A few years back, I quoted one of my favorite managers when in a moment of a fiery conversation, he shouted, 

"THE FUTURE IS NOW!!"  

I scribbled the quote on a post-it, and vowed to not throw it away.  I find every few months, have a chuckle, and re-hide it from myself.

Speaking of future, let’s talk about the wonderful things that have happened just in the past couple of years.  

Some advancements have been slower-coming than others, but just as important, such as my company's inter-office instant messaging program finally enabling the use of memes and gifs:

Some advancements have just left me astounded!  I've asked some of my friends and colleagues what has astounded them in modern inventions, and they helped contribute to this list:

Drones

The other morning on Good Morning America, I watched this really (click here to watch the <5 minute video) cool piece on how drones are coming along.  Drone technology now enables eyes in places we can’t get – for example, they have thermal recognition technology to scope out a burning building to tell firemen when there is a person trapped, and also to find stranded hikers or boaters. 

 They will also send in drones to navigate buildings where there are active shooters to help guide police safely.  Not only can the drones identify the lost, but they can also provide a little bit of help – being able to shine a super bright spotlight on the stranded people so they can be easily identified when aid comes, and carrying a life jacket to those swept away in waters. 

Totally understandable that this kind of technology scares the heck out of some people, but I think it’s pretty cool… for now.

Drones have also opened a whole new realm for photographers and artists.  Even the production folks at my church have been using drones for their camera work, and it is so cool!

Uber/Lyft 

All throughout our lives, we've been told not to get in cars with strangers.  Now, we literally beckon strangers to come pick us up and drive us somewhere, and not even a word needs to be exchanged.

Starbucks App

This is probably only relevant to people who are mega Starbucks users, but especially since there is one in my building in the city, I LOVE the Starbucks app.  All you have to do is open the app, browse the menu, create your drink, confirm location, and BOOM! Within 3-5 minutes, your drink will  be waiting on the counter for you... again with no human interaction necessary!

Press & Seal

Scotty's Number One Favorite Invention is, and has been since I've known him, Press & Seal

For the full understanding of press and seal, see this ad:

Parking

Another colleague told me that she recently used an app where you can pay for a parking meter in a city and find parking and reserve it.  Almost like Parking Panda, but for parking meters.

I even saw an advertisement for these services for boat slips - essentially parking panda for boats!

Of course, my favorite invention is, and has always been, AIR CONDITIONING.  Praised be.

What inventions or services have absolutely impressed you over the past couple of years?

Archive and Below The Radar

Regarding my last post, responses ranged from "whooping Meryl"...

...to my mother telling me that it was not my best work.  "6 out of 10," she said.

Ohhh......  I see...

Alrighty then...

Was about as expected, and I am glad I got it off my shoulders, because those thoughts consumed many pages of my blog journal... which brings me to...

Oldie But A Goody - From the unpublished archive

IRL, you may see me occasionally scribble many post its and jam them into my pocket or purse.  These are all blog ideas.  Sometimes they are stories, sometimes they are just lists, and I finally sat down and wrote them all into a book.  Unfortunately, a lot of them have expired in relevancy, but I am still going to publish some of them.  Anyway, that is my explanation for the future posts where you see older things referenced.  Example:

We got the following notification from HR, and I forwarded it to Scotty, highlighting a part I feel responsible for, due to an increase in my medication line up this year:

Things which are happening all around us right now without us realizing it:

• The analogue clock is becoming an antique - kids don't even know how to read them. Also, they no longer require kids to parallel park on driving tests due to cars automatically doing it for you these days.
• Steve Martin is touring and will be here in September, anyone want to join me? 
• Dollywood - how has no one taken me there yet??
• Celine Dion is on tour in Europe, and her public appearances/outfits have been AMAZING!  I know that not a single one of you care, but lots of people do, and have been talking about how she is making stunning waves within the fashion world.
• Sweepsheet - This is a website where people submit sweepstakes they find that are usually no purchase necessary, and people make it their actual part time jobs to enter into the sweepstakes.  I have known people who have won incredible vacations and things and money just from entering.  So many times, whether due to bad marketing of the sweepstakes or whatever, not a lot of people even know about the sweepstakes, so it's almost an automatic win.  I have won a few things.  You pay something like $15 for the subscription.  It's a really cool hobby, if you can stick with it!

Okay, that's enough for meow! 

GAY is a 4-letter word

Here are the cherries growing on my cherry blossom willow tree. 

Note: these trees are not supposed to be fruit-bearing.  

Hello.

June is LGBT PRIDE month, and so I wanted to proactively throw in some perspective before you start seeing PRIDE events in the news and all over your Facebook feed and start judging people.

I have acquired many more Christian-faith friends over the past few years, and while the topic has not come up with everyone, I have heard some things.  For these friends in particular, my goal with this note is to consider how we are thinking about homosexuality.

Even for my non-Christian friends, I know that many people have an aversion to any discussion of homosexuality, and the political topics it triggers.

For many reasons, I am an Ally.  I am a Christian woman and I firmly stand with my brothers and sisters who are homosexual.  This may seem like an oxymoron.  It has always been a strong conviction of mine. 

BUT IT IS A SIN!!!

I guess that I will start by addressing the religious stuff, since it is, believe it or not, the easiest topic to address.  Here we go:

No one is perfect, everyone is a sinner, there is one omnipotent God, I am not God and neither are you.

Per generation, the “sin of the season” rotates.  Think of how often in history being divorced was the biggest sin you could commit - when it could mean total excommunication from society.   Remember times in history when it was okay to rip the flesh off of a human and crucify them and torture and murder… but marrying 16 year olds (or younger) and getting them pregnant was socially acceptable?

Homosexuality is instructed in two places in the bible – In Leviticus and in Romans.  It is considered sexual immorality, and is therefore a sin.  (So, anyone who has committed any sort of sexual immorality, you can group yourself together.)

My point here is that it's not always reasonable to cherry-pick homosexuality out of the host of sins which are covered far more times in the scriptures.  For example, divorce is mentioned as a sin many times in the bible – and Jesus himself spends time talking about the subject of divorce (but not homosexuality.)  Surely you know of some divorced people, riiiiight? Do you treat them differently... do they expect equal rights?  What if they wanted to get married again?  Should we let them??

Holy matrimony?

STORY TIME! (John 8:1-11 for reference)

One of my favorite accounts in the bible is when they bring the woman who was caught in the act of adultery to Jesus, and demand that he condemn her.  While the crowd is stating their case trying to damn this woman, it says that Jesus was writing with his finger in the dirt on the ground.  He stands up while they are talking, and says, “Let anyone of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her,” and then he goes back to writing in the dirt. 

There is speculation on what he was writing, but some suggest that he was writing the ten commandments.  Some suggest that he, being omnipotent, was actually writing each of the accusers’ own sins out on display, for all to see. 

By the time he finished, and stood back up, it was just him and the woman left standing there.  He said “Where did everyone go?  Has no one condemned you?”  And she said, “No one, sir.”  

I love this story, and totally relate to it – easily putting myself right into the shoes of the accusers, pointing at other sinners and shouting loudly how they sin bigger than me and deserve to be punished.  But guess what would shut me up and send me fleeing from that room – someone who actually knows my life and my darkest moments and darkest thoughts starting to air my business, in the same way I was just trying to do to my peer.

Who are we to feel privileged enough to make the decisions on which sin is greater than the other?... Are murder or child abuse on the same line as saying a “swear word”… probably not, but it is all fruit from the same root and that is the root of sin.  I am not The Great Judge and neither are you.  What we can do in the meantime is try to not be cruel barbarians, and to try to get through this thing called Life that we’ve been given with some smiles and laughter and friendships.  I’ll be happy to talk to anyone about this if you want to agree or disagree.

HEART FOR ONE BUT NOT THE OTHER?

And my final point to the religious aspect is this: Before distancing yourself from the gay community, let’s consider how it could be that we have ministries that go out to serve the drug-riddled huddle masses of homeless people in our communities, but sometimes those same people with the heart to serve the homeless community shame and abuse the gay community?

I have many friends and acquaintances who serve the homeless community (and btw, if you are ever interested in this great work, please check out BeMore Caring) and I am so thankful for those people.  I honestly admire and am grateful for these people.  We are all given different gifts and hearts and purposes, and I personally have never felt the pull of the heart to serve the homeless community like some of my friends do.  It just doesn’t call to me – I am not needed there.

However, that same fervor that some have towards the homeless community is how I feel towards my gay friends.  Many (certainly not all) in the gay community can experience such feelings of oppression, injustice, blatant discrimination, homelessness (that is, being without a “home” but not necessarily without a roof over their heads), shame, excommunication from home and family, feeling lost, loss of identity, powerless, hopeless, lonesomeness.  

I am honored to be part of a support system, as a woman, as a straight person, as a Christian, supporting the gay community however they need me, standing with them, letting them know that not everyone on earth is a tyrants and that there is hope, and people who care about them.  There are people who care that they make it through the day, and that we can do this whole thing together.

Just as I haven't yet experienced the drive to jump into the streets and serve the homeless, others don't have the drive to jump into a PRIDE parade, and that is why it takes all kinds of kinds to make the world go 'round.  

With that pendulum swinging both ways, we must also guard our tongues and hearts from sneering at what doesn't please our fickle hearts.  For me, it comes so easily to feel indifferent (or worse) when a sign-wielding destitute person weaves passed my car begging for money... why is that??  Why do gay jokes come so easily & with oblivion of offense to others?  Some folks will fight until their final breaths for "refugee protection," and others will fight as fervently to "protect our borders."  The contrasts go on and on. We are all given different brains and hearts for these reasons, I guess.

"WELL, THEN I AM PROTESTING."

The way that some can shame homosexuality, but not other sins, is a disgrace.  When "Beauty & The Beast" came out a couple of months ago, and it leaked that there is a gay character, hyper-Christians everywhere lost their minds.  All of a sudden, they were protesting and boycotting the movie (as if it made one bit of difference… Disney was going to get their $$, so those haters can hate.)  

 Okay, well I went to see the movie, and to this day I don’t know what the gay storyline was or who the gay character would have been, so clearly it wasn’t a power theme of the film…  but even if it had been…  so what if it was?  So what if one of the characters was gay… do people think they are going to Catch The Gay by seeing it? Is their constitution so weak? Are the children going to enter the theater one way, and come out homosexuals?  Wouldn’t it actually expand the horizons of one's culture, and perhaps open an opportunity for an educational conversation?  Why flee from that?    

Wounds 

If you know me at all or follow this blog (I realize my entries are few and far between anymore), then you know that my sister is gay and is married to her best friend, and the two of them have been a constant rock throughout my entire crazy roller coaster of a life.   They are two of the the healthiest pieces of the puzzle of my life. 

One thing I will not forget was the day of the election this past November.  Now, I do not want to get into political “sides” here, because to be honest with you all, I am still in shock and dismay and disappointment at the results of the election.  I am hurt and shamed.  I can’t believe that I did not win.  I repeatedly asked you all to vote for me, and I never even got a phone call from the White House inviting me to come take the crown.  How dare you.  How dare ALL OF YOU.  So, I am still recovering from that, the therapy sessions are starting to work, I hope…  

Anyway, that gigantic wound aside, what I will not forget is a phone call with my sister on the day of election.  Fearing that a Republican-led White House would mean future attacks on equal rights, my sister said to me, “Well, you are a few hours ahead of my timezone, so will you do me a favor?  Will you call me tomorrow, and let me know if I am still married?”   It was sort-of a joke, but honestly, it broke both of our hearts, the possible truth of it.  Replaying it in my mind, I can still hear the weeping pain of when she said that.  My sister is a rock in my life, and to see your rock shaken really can have an effect on you.  

So by now in this loonnngg entry, you are probably saying...

OMG WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL??

What’s the big deal?  The big deal is that gay people should be able to have the same legal rights as straight people.    Imagine your husband/wife whom you’ve been married to for your whole adult life is now laying in a hospital, and their situation is dire.  You are not allowed to see them or make any medical decisions, because you are not “related.”  Let’s then say that they do die, and now, because you never had any legal rights, you have to abandon everything you have built together, including your house, car, 401k, life savings,  all while trying to deal with a broken heart and life.  (This is what I imagine when I remember the above conversation with my sister.  If my sister were to come down with a serious illness tomorrow... I would not know ANYTHING about her medical history, or wishes, or anything... yet I could make life-or-death decisions for her? No. Nope.) 

I hear a lot, “We need to protect marriage…”  And hey, I don’t know what that means, so I am not going to agree or disagree with that.  Does that mean, “We need to protect female + male standing in front of a clergy person and making vows to God”?  Okay, I see what you’re saying.    To me, equal rights are different.

WELL THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON CHRISTIAN PRINCIPLES

Well actually a ton of people fled here from Europe because of religious persecution from... Christians... So... let's just not go down that path right now...

BUT TRANSGENDER PEOPLE ARE JUST THE WORST

I recently had a discussion with one of my best friends on the topic.  She told me that she struggles with the notion of transgenderism in general.  She doesn’t necessarily struggle with the notion of people being "born gay," or at the very least having innate attractions that they have no say in, and that you love who you love.  

She said, “It just seems so wrong to me to go through all these motions to drastically manipulate your incredible body.  Like, there are people with diseases and terminal illnesses that have to undergo surgery, and you have a perfectly good body, but you’re still convinced that it’s the wrong one?”

The problem here is that argument could also be made for everyone who gets Botox in their lips or nips & tucks or lasers here and there and everywhere.  I’m not disagreeing!  I really don’t feel any strong way about it.  I don’t know what it is like to be in those shoes. 

The only thing I can think to compare it to are those commercials for prescription meds for… whatever… depression or fibromyalgia or whatever… and of the 45 second commercial, they spend 8 seconds on the benefits… and the rest on the possible reactions and side effects, including but not limited to hair loss, serious depression, starvation, death, dismemberment, leaking boils, eyeball explosion, fingernail fungus, liver failure, vein collapse, cancer or worsening kinds of cancer….. and you’re like… wait…. For real?  

And then I heard someone who was watching one of these commercials say to me, “Omg, why would you even take this medicine??”   And I said, “Maybe all of that is minor in comparison to the hell they are currently living in otherwise.”    You just never know. 

I don’t know what goes through the minds of those tortured souls, but I have indeed spent time with people who are transgendered and not at peace.  I once had a best friend I spent many years with who was a sad, weak, lost, tortured soul.  I mean it.  Tortured.  Would self-wound, would just haaaate himself, would sob like a little girl… over almost nothing.  And it had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with his inner demon.   I will never understand that, and it isn’t up to me to try to fix.  He has a fantastic support system in his family – and thank God – because if he had outside persecution IN ADDITION to his inner struggle, he wouldn’t still be roaming this earth, I have no doubt about that.

THIS IS THE LONGEST BLOG ENTRY EVER

Look, the point of this was not to take a stand on the righteousness or sin of homosexuality – We just need to have an attitude of graciousness.  Graciousness for gay people, homeless, drug addicts, alcoholics, bad drivers, small-talkers, sidewalk spitters, fat and skinny, tall and short, black white silver red blue yellow and even orange.  I have to tell myself this more and more each day, it feels like.    
I was recently sent this article (click here) regarding the dangers of churches and church people becoming too progressive. I don’t want to sound like I fit into any of those categories.  I’m not here to dismiss or discredit Christian beliefs; I hope that is clear.

We are charged to love each other, and if you can’t even manage that, 

we must tolerate each other.

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, 

if you love one another."