GAY is a 4-letter word

Here are the cherries growing on my cherry blossom willow tree. 

Note: these trees are not supposed to be fruit-bearing.  

Hello.

June is LGBT PRIDE month, and so I wanted to proactively throw in some perspective before you start seeing PRIDE events in the news and all over your Facebook feed and start judging people.

I have acquired many more Christian-faith friends over the past few years, and while the topic has not come up with everyone, I have heard some things.  For these friends in particular, my goal with this note is to consider how we are thinking about homosexuality.

Even for my non-Christian friends, I know that many people have an aversion to any discussion of homosexuality, and the political topics it triggers.

For many reasons, I am an Ally.  I am a Christian woman and I firmly stand with my brothers and sisters who are homosexual.  This may seem like an oxymoron.  It has always been a strong conviction of mine. 

BUT IT IS A SIN!!!

I guess that I will start by addressing the religious stuff, since it is, believe it or not, the easiest topic to address.  Here we go:

No one is perfect, everyone is a sinner, there is one omnipotent God, I am not God and neither are you.

Per generation, the “sin of the season” rotates.  Think of how often in history being divorced was the biggest sin you could commit - when it could mean total excommunication from society.   Remember times in history when it was okay to rip the flesh off of a human and crucify them and torture and murder… but marrying 16 year olds (or younger) and getting them pregnant was socially acceptable?

Homosexuality is instructed in two places in the bible – In Leviticus and in Romans.  It is considered sexual immorality, and is therefore a sin.  (So, anyone who has committed any sort of sexual immorality, you can group yourself together.)

My point here is that it's not always reasonable to cherry-pick homosexuality out of the host of sins which are covered far more times in the scriptures.  For example, divorce is mentioned as a sin many times in the bible – and Jesus himself spends time talking about the subject of divorce (but not homosexuality.)  Surely you know of some divorced people, riiiiight? Do you treat them differently... do they expect equal rights?  What if they wanted to get married again?  Should we let them??

Holy matrimony?

STORY TIME! (John 8:1-11 for reference)

One of my favorite accounts in the bible is when they bring the woman who was caught in the act of adultery to Jesus, and demand that he condemn her.  While the crowd is stating their case trying to damn this woman, it says that Jesus was writing with his finger in the dirt on the ground.  He stands up while they are talking, and says, “Let anyone of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her,” and then he goes back to writing in the dirt. 

There is speculation on what he was writing, but some suggest that he was writing the ten commandments.  Some suggest that he, being omnipotent, was actually writing each of the accusers’ own sins out on display, for all to see. 

By the time he finished, and stood back up, it was just him and the woman left standing there.  He said “Where did everyone go?  Has no one condemned you?”  And she said, “No one, sir.”  

I love this story, and totally relate to it – easily putting myself right into the shoes of the accusers, pointing at other sinners and shouting loudly how they sin bigger than me and deserve to be punished.  But guess what would shut me up and send me fleeing from that room – someone who actually knows my life and my darkest moments and darkest thoughts starting to air my business, in the same way I was just trying to do to my peer.

Who are we to feel privileged enough to make the decisions on which sin is greater than the other?... Are murder or child abuse on the same line as saying a “swear word”… probably not, but it is all fruit from the same root and that is the root of sin.  I am not The Great Judge and neither are you.  What we can do in the meantime is try to not be cruel barbarians, and to try to get through this thing called Life that we’ve been given with some smiles and laughter and friendships.  I’ll be happy to talk to anyone about this if you want to agree or disagree.

HEART FOR ONE BUT NOT THE OTHER?

And my final point to the religious aspect is this: Before distancing yourself from the gay community, let’s consider how it could be that we have ministries that go out to serve the drug-riddled huddle masses of homeless people in our communities, but sometimes those same people with the heart to serve the homeless community shame and abuse the gay community?

I have many friends and acquaintances who serve the homeless community (and btw, if you are ever interested in this great work, please check out BeMore Caring) and I am so thankful for those people.  I honestly admire and am grateful for these people.  We are all given different gifts and hearts and purposes, and I personally have never felt the pull of the heart to serve the homeless community like some of my friends do.  It just doesn’t call to me – I am not needed there.

However, that same fervor that some have towards the homeless community is how I feel towards my gay friends.  Many (certainly not all) in the gay community can experience such feelings of oppression, injustice, blatant discrimination, homelessness (that is, being without a “home” but not necessarily without a roof over their heads), shame, excommunication from home and family, feeling lost, loss of identity, powerless, hopeless, lonesomeness.  

I am honored to be part of a support system, as a woman, as a straight person, as a Christian, supporting the gay community however they need me, standing with them, letting them know that not everyone on earth is a tyrants and that there is hope, and people who care about them.  There are people who care that they make it through the day, and that we can do this whole thing together.

Just as I haven't yet experienced the drive to jump into the streets and serve the homeless, others don't have the drive to jump into a PRIDE parade, and that is why it takes all kinds of kinds to make the world go 'round.  

With that pendulum swinging both ways, we must also guard our tongues and hearts from sneering at what doesn't please our fickle hearts.  For me, it comes so easily to feel indifferent (or worse) when a sign-wielding destitute person weaves passed my car begging for money... why is that??  Why do gay jokes come so easily & with oblivion of offense to others?  Some folks will fight until their final breaths for "refugee protection," and others will fight as fervently to "protect our borders."  The contrasts go on and on. We are all given different brains and hearts for these reasons, I guess.

"WELL, THEN I AM PROTESTING."

The way that some can shame homosexuality, but not other sins, is a disgrace.  When "Beauty & The Beast" came out a couple of months ago, and it leaked that there is a gay character, hyper-Christians everywhere lost their minds.  All of a sudden, they were protesting and boycotting the movie (as if it made one bit of difference… Disney was going to get their $$, so those haters can hate.)  

 Okay, well I went to see the movie, and to this day I don’t know what the gay storyline was or who the gay character would have been, so clearly it wasn’t a power theme of the film…  but even if it had been…  so what if it was?  So what if one of the characters was gay… do people think they are going to Catch The Gay by seeing it? Is their constitution so weak? Are the children going to enter the theater one way, and come out homosexuals?  Wouldn’t it actually expand the horizons of one's culture, and perhaps open an opportunity for an educational conversation?  Why flee from that?    

Wounds 

If you know me at all or follow this blog (I realize my entries are few and far between anymore), then you know that my sister is gay and is married to her best friend, and the two of them have been a constant rock throughout my entire crazy roller coaster of a life.   They are two of the the healthiest pieces of the puzzle of my life. 

One thing I will not forget was the day of the election this past November.  Now, I do not want to get into political “sides” here, because to be honest with you all, I am still in shock and dismay and disappointment at the results of the election.  I am hurt and shamed.  I can’t believe that I did not win.  I repeatedly asked you all to vote for me, and I never even got a phone call from the White House inviting me to come take the crown.  How dare you.  How dare ALL OF YOU.  So, I am still recovering from that, the therapy sessions are starting to work, I hope…  

Anyway, that gigantic wound aside, what I will not forget is a phone call with my sister on the day of election.  Fearing that a Republican-led White House would mean future attacks on equal rights, my sister said to me, “Well, you are a few hours ahead of my timezone, so will you do me a favor?  Will you call me tomorrow, and let me know if I am still married?”   It was sort-of a joke, but honestly, it broke both of our hearts, the possible truth of it.  Replaying it in my mind, I can still hear the weeping pain of when she said that.  My sister is a rock in my life, and to see your rock shaken really can have an effect on you.  

So by now in this loonnngg entry, you are probably saying...

OMG WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL??

What’s the big deal?  The big deal is that gay people should be able to have the same legal rights as straight people.    Imagine your husband/wife whom you’ve been married to for your whole adult life is now laying in a hospital, and their situation is dire.  You are not allowed to see them or make any medical decisions, because you are not “related.”  Let’s then say that they do die, and now, because you never had any legal rights, you have to abandon everything you have built together, including your house, car, 401k, life savings,  all while trying to deal with a broken heart and life.  (This is what I imagine when I remember the above conversation with my sister.  If my sister were to come down with a serious illness tomorrow... I would not know ANYTHING about her medical history, or wishes, or anything... yet I could make life-or-death decisions for her? No. Nope.) 

I hear a lot, “We need to protect marriage…”  And hey, I don’t know what that means, so I am not going to agree or disagree with that.  Does that mean, “We need to protect female + male standing in front of a clergy person and making vows to God”?  Okay, I see what you’re saying.    To me, equal rights are different.

WELL THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON CHRISTIAN PRINCIPLES

Well actually a ton of people fled here from Europe because of religious persecution from... Christians... So... let's just not go down that path right now...

BUT TRANSGENDER PEOPLE ARE JUST THE WORST

I recently had a discussion with one of my best friends on the topic.  She told me that she struggles with the notion of transgenderism in general.  She doesn’t necessarily struggle with the notion of people being "born gay," or at the very least having innate attractions that they have no say in, and that you love who you love.  

She said, “It just seems so wrong to me to go through all these motions to drastically manipulate your incredible body.  Like, there are people with diseases and terminal illnesses that have to undergo surgery, and you have a perfectly good body, but you’re still convinced that it’s the wrong one?”

The problem here is that argument could also be made for everyone who gets Botox in their lips or nips & tucks or lasers here and there and everywhere.  I’m not disagreeing!  I really don’t feel any strong way about it.  I don’t know what it is like to be in those shoes. 

The only thing I can think to compare it to are those commercials for prescription meds for… whatever… depression or fibromyalgia or whatever… and of the 45 second commercial, they spend 8 seconds on the benefits… and the rest on the possible reactions and side effects, including but not limited to hair loss, serious depression, starvation, death, dismemberment, leaking boils, eyeball explosion, fingernail fungus, liver failure, vein collapse, cancer or worsening kinds of cancer….. and you’re like… wait…. For real?  

And then I heard someone who was watching one of these commercials say to me, “Omg, why would you even take this medicine??”   And I said, “Maybe all of that is minor in comparison to the hell they are currently living in otherwise.”    You just never know. 

I don’t know what goes through the minds of those tortured souls, but I have indeed spent time with people who are transgendered and not at peace.  I once had a best friend I spent many years with who was a sad, weak, lost, tortured soul.  I mean it.  Tortured.  Would self-wound, would just haaaate himself, would sob like a little girl… over almost nothing.  And it had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with his inner demon.   I will never understand that, and it isn’t up to me to try to fix.  He has a fantastic support system in his family – and thank God – because if he had outside persecution IN ADDITION to his inner struggle, he wouldn’t still be roaming this earth, I have no doubt about that.

THIS IS THE LONGEST BLOG ENTRY EVER

Look, the point of this was not to take a stand on the righteousness or sin of homosexuality – We just need to have an attitude of graciousness.  Graciousness for gay people, homeless, drug addicts, alcoholics, bad drivers, small-talkers, sidewalk spitters, fat and skinny, tall and short, black white silver red blue yellow and even orange.  I have to tell myself this more and more each day, it feels like.    
I was recently sent this article (click here) regarding the dangers of churches and church people becoming too progressive. I don’t want to sound like I fit into any of those categories.  I’m not here to dismiss or discredit Christian beliefs; I hope that is clear.

We are charged to love each other, and if you can’t even manage that, 

we must tolerate each other.

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, 

if you love one another."